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Is it good for children to start using computers from an early ageand spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages anddisadvantages. v.1

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early ageand spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages anddisadvantages. v. 1
The computer is one of the largest inventions of mankind and its heavily used in almost all the fields like industries, education, medicines. In continuation of the aforesaid notion, some people believe that it would be beneficial for kids to operate computers from an initial stage, whereas some analysts believe that computers have many drawbacks for offspring. However, I am a strong advocate of the former view that computers are very advantageous for kids. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computers. There are many advantages of computers for children. First and foremost, a computer increases kid intellectual skills. Computers help to browse any information over the internet, kids can easily search for the solution of their doubts over the internet. Moreover, students can store a large number of books in the computer memory and can access the study materials offline. Furthermore, computer games help to increase the analytical skills. This practice would gradually help a lot in developing cognitive skills in toddlers. That' s the reason, many schools have included computers as part of their primary education. Last but not the least, window applications like Microsoft powerpoint presentation and excel sheets are largely used in the cooperative world to give client demos and to show data. As the kids would excel in using these technologies from childhood that would help a lot in his professional life. On the contrary, there are some drawbacks to using computers at an early stage, kids can witness many unwanted videos like porn movies; which can affect its mental level. Additionally, kids can browse through crime news as well and are likely to get influenced by it. For instance, recent studies by crime team of United States of America has stated that 30% of criminals commit a crime by getting inspiration from criminal serious. Even though computers have certain disadvantages for kids, but these can be overcome by the parent’s supervision and guidance. To recapitulate, the advantages of computers for kids far outweigh its negative consequences. In my opinion, kids should start learning the computer technologies from an initial stage as it would benefit in long run; however, parents should be attentive towards their kid’s activities as well.
The computer is one of the largest inventions of mankind and its
heavily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in almost all the fields like industries, education, medicines. In continuation of the aforesaid notion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it would be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to operate computers from an initial stage, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
analysts believe that computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks for offspring.
However
, I am a strong advocate of the former view that computers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of computers.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of computers for children.
First
and foremost, a computer increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Computers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to browse any information over the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
easily
search for the solution of their doubts over the internet.
Moreover
, students can store
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
books in the computer memory and can access the study materials offline.
Furthermore
, computer games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to increase the analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This practice would
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a lot in developing cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in toddlers.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s the reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have included computers as part of their primary education. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, window applications like Microsoft
Did you mean "PowerPoint" (= Microsoft presentation software)?
powerpoint
presentation and excel sheets are
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the cooperative world to give client demos and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
data.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
would excel in using these technologies from childhood that would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a lot in his professional life.

On the contrary
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to using computers at an early stage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can witness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unwanted videos like porn movies; which can affect its mental level.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can browse through crime news
as well
and are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by it.
For instance
, recent studies by crime team
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
of America has stated that 30% of criminals commit a crime by getting inspiration from criminal serious.
Even though
computers have certain disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these can
be overcome
by the parent’s supervision and guidance.

To recapitulate, the advantages of computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
far outweigh its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning the computer technologies from an initial stage as it would benefit in long run;
however
, parents should be attentive towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
activities
as well
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it good for children to start using computers from an early ageand spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages anddisadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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