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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific r v.75

Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific r v. 75
Live concerts are always fun to attend. Some people believe that attending a concert live is always more interesting than watching the same program on television. I contradict this belief because I think watching events like concerts, plays or matches on television is more convenient and enjoyable. And this essay will discuss the reasons with examples to support my point. First of all, these days because of the huge gathering during live performances, it becomes very troublesome. Instead, watching shows on TV is way more very convenient and comfortable. These days people can pause and play any shows on television as per their own convenience. Furthermore, people do not have to worry about the traffic and parking problem which usually is the case in live concerts. Normally live concerts are very crowded and these shows are very prone to accidents and stampedes if are not organized well. Also, shows on TV is a viable option for elderly people who can not go and attend the live shows in person. Therefore, I beckon to attend these shows on TV with your near and dear one. Besides, with the advancement in the telecommunication industry, technologies like 4K, OLED etc. enables you to watch TV with a lot of clarity and great sound effects. In stadiums, because of the distance between the audiences and the performers and noise, one can hardly understand or catch the actual action. So, people these days prefer to sit on their couches and enjoy the shows with their favorite drinks or snacks. To recapitulate, I would second the point of watching live performances on TV. This essay highlighted the fact why the live performances at times become unpleasant to attend and why watching such shows on TV is always recommended.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
are always fun to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
is always more interesting than watching the same program on television. I contradict this belief
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
, plays or matches on television is more convenient and enjoyable. And this essay will discuss the reasons with examples to support my point.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge gathering during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances, it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
troublesome.
Instead
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on TV is way more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and comfortable. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pause and play any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on television as per their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
convenience.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about the traffic and parking problem which
usually
is the case in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
.
Normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crowded and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
prone to accidents and stampedes if are not organized well.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on TV is a viable option for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can not go and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
in person.
Therefore
, I beckon to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on TV with your near and dear one.

Besides
, with the advancement in the telecommunication industry, technologies like 4K, OLED etc. enables you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
clarity and great sound effects. In stadiums,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the distance between the audiences and the performers and noise, one can hardly understand or catch the actual action.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days prefer to sit on their couches and enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
with their favorite drinks or snacks.

To recapitulate, I would second the point of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances on TV. This essay highlighted the fact why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances at times become unpleasant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
and why watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on TV is always recommended.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific r v. 75

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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