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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v.31

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 31
The animal is one of the living things, like the human. Some people believe that animals should be kept and treated well because they have the same rights as the human. Other people think that animal should be used for food, clothes, education, and research purposes. From my point of view, animals bring many advantages to the human life. But it does not mean human can treat them badly and even do exploitation. As God creature, animals live and they have the same feelings like humans do, like pain, suffering, frustration, happiness, etc. People who advocate animal rights think that animals are equal as the human, so they deserve the same treatment.   People must not use animals for their necessity. For instance, using animals for experiments, using them for the entertainment business, killing them for foods or making clothes and many others is inhuman. These activities not only hurt the animals but also may destroy the balance of nature. In this case, people with this point of view believe that exploitation and violence in animals are cruel behaviour. In contrast, some people argue that animals are created to fulfil human needs. They have a lot of benefits for human life. Firstly, animals can be used for education. Many scientists utilise animals for their research, like biology or medical study. It can really help people to enrich their knowledge about the earth phenomena and also to find new medications for helping the humans. Secondly, animals are really important as food sources. They can provide human nutrition. For example, fishes, crabs, lobsters, and meats are containing protein which is needed for human health. In conclusion, I believe that animals give many benefits for humans. They can help improving human life, especially provide food. However, people should treat them in good ways. I agree that animals deserve to be treated well but it does not mean that they must be treated as equal as humans.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is one of the living things, like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
and treated well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the same rights as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, clothes, education, and research purposes. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it does not mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
can treat them
badly
and even do exploitation.

As God creature,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
live and
they have the same feelings
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
do, like pain, suffering, frustration, happiness, etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who advocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are equal as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they deserve the same treatment.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their necessity.
For instance
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for experiments, using them for the entertainment business, killing them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
or making clothes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others is inhuman. These activities not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hurt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the balance of nature.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with this point of view believe that exploitation and violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are cruel
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are created
to fulfil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientists
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their research, like biology or medical study. It can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enrich their knowledge about the earth phenomena and
also
to find new medications for helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sources. They can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
nutrition.
For example
, fishes, crabs, lobsters, and meats
The verb 'containing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are containing
protein which
is needed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life,
especially
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should treat them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ways. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
deserve to
be treated
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be treated
as equal as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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