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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v.28

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 28
The animal right has been a controversial issue ever since the dawn of industrialisation. Some argue that animals deserve to be treated the same way as humans, while others contend that humans must employ animals to fulfil their numerous needs. Both points of views will be analysed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn. On the one hand, fair treatment of animals appears to be the moral thing to do. For example, animal rights activists groups have repeatedly performed studies that demonstrate that animals, when subjected to macabre conditions of slaughterhouses and laboratories, feel the pain in the same manner as human beings. Since most humans would never support the idea of inflicting such pain on their fellow human beings, it is only fair that animals should also be spared from this torment. When looking at this side of the argument, it is obvious why some support this stance. On the other hand, many people opine that animals should be exploited in order to fulfil a number of human needs including food and research activities. Take pharmaceutical industry, for example, if humans stop testing drugs on animals to ensure their safety for subsequent human use, fatal damage could be caused to human beings as a result of using unsafe medicines. As without such medicines, the life expectancy of humans can fall dramatically, it is understandable why this point of view has garnered support. Although both sides of this argument have indisputable virtues, it is felt that animal exploitation should only be upheld for medical research purposes. It is hoped, that animal sufferings in the laboratories will be minimised in the future.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
right has been a controversial issue ever since the dawn of
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
deserve to
be treated
the same way as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, while others contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to fulfil their numerous needs. Both points of views will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a reasoned conclusion
is drawn
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
appears to be the moral thing to do.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights activists groups have
repeatedly
performed studies that demonstrate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, when subjected to macabre conditions of slaughterhouses and laboratories, feel the pain in the same manner as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings. Since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
would never support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of inflicting such pain on their fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
also
be spared
from this torment. When looking at this side of the argument, it is obvious why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
support this stance.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be exploited
in order to fulfil a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs including food and research activities. Take pharmaceutical industry,
for example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
testing drugs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to ensure their safety for subsequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, fatal damage could
be caused
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings
as a result
of using unsafe medicines. As without such medicines, the life expectancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can fall
dramatically
, it is understandable why this point of view has garnered support.

Although both sides of this argument have indisputable virtues, it
is felt
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
exploitation should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be upheld
for medical research purposes. It
is hoped
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
sufferings in the laboratories will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
in the future.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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