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A group of people say that increasing the number of sports facilities would ensure the improvement in public health. Others, however, disagree with this view and say that this would have very little effect on promoting public health and other initiatives should be taken. v.2

A group of people say that increasing the number of sports facilities would ensure the improvement in public health. Others, however, disagree with this view and say that this would have very little effect on promoting public health and other initiatives should be taken. v. 2
People have different ideas and opinions regarding public health care. Some of them think that opportunities for sports activities should be promoted to increase the health status of people, whereas others are of the opinion that it is a useless method and other ways should be needed for the optimal health. On the one hand, sports activities enhance the overall health of people as it improves blood circulation to all organs of human body and strengthens body muscles. Besides, these activities help to burn out fat and lipids considerably which is much more helpful to avoid coronary artery diseases forever. Next, mental well-being can also be achieved by doing regular sports exercises. It is proven that regular exercise keeps people fit and help them prevent many diseases.   But, in some places, the opportunities for sports activities are less and it should be encouraged owing to enormous benefits. For example, European countries provide great sports facilities for their citizens which would definitely increase productivity instead of recurrent diseases. From this regards, it the government invest on building more sports zone and parks, people would be naturally motivated to use those facilities and in the long run, the public health in a country would improve. On the other hand, there are others who contend that sports facilities do not help public to make better health status. Therefore, diet planning, mental relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation and prayer, moderate physical exercises and attending health education classes should be followed as the best methods to avoid health problems. But, these measures should only be supervised by expert personnel in those fields. This method would reduce body fats and cholesterol to a greater extent, especially diet planning with the guidance of a dietitian. This group of please also believe that establishing new sports facilities would have little effect on public health as very few people would use those facilities regularly. They also argue that better healthcare centres should be established and more expert doctors should be enrolled to serve people instead of spending the budget on sports centres. By observing both sides of the argument, I think that sports facilities help prevent diseases and keep people fit. On the other hand, other methods should also be included for promoting public health. Hence the government should emphasise equally to establish sports facilities and promoting other ways of improving public health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and opinions regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be promoted
to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas others are of the opinion that it is a useless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways should
be needed
for the optimal health.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
enhance the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
blood circulation to all organs of human body and strengthens body muscles.
Besides
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to burn out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and lipids
considerably
which is much more helpful to avoid coronary artery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
forever.
Next
, mental well-being can
also
be achieved
by doing regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
exercises. It
is proven
that regular exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places, the opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are less and it should
be encouraged
owing to enormous benefits.
For example
, European countries provide great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities for their citizens which would definitely increase productivity
instead
of recurrent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. From
Did you mean "these"?
this
regards, it the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invest on building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
zone and parks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be
naturally
motivated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those facilities and in the long run, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in a country would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are others who contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status.
Therefore
, diet planning, mental relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation and prayer, moderate physical exercises and attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education classes should
be followed
as the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these measures should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be supervised
by expert personnel in those fields. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
body fats and cholesterol to a greater extent,
especially
diet planning with the guidance of a dietitian. This group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
also
believe that establishing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those facilities
regularly
. They
also
argue that better healthcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should
be established
and more expert doctors should
be enrolled
to serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of spending the budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

By observing both sides of the argument, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
should
also
be included
for promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
equally
to establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay A group of people say that increasing the number of sports facilities would ensure the improvement in public health. Others, however, disagree with this view and say that this would have very little effect on promoting public health and other initiatives should be taken. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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