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A government's role is only to provide defense capability and urban infrastructure, such as roads, water and power. All other services, such as education, health and social security, should be provided by private groups or individuals in the communit v.1

A government's role is only to provide defense capability and urban infrastructure, such as roads, water and power. All other services, such as education, health and social security, should be provided by private groups or individuals in the communit v. 1
Nowadays, the ratio of overweight people is constantly increasing day by day. This essay will discuss the main reasons for this epidemic and further describe the potential impact of this problem. In my opinion, the foremost causes of gaining weight are inactive lifestyles and unhealthy leisure activities. We are living in the world where technology has commendable influence in human life due to which people have fewer physical demands at work. The Example can be seen in our surroundings, after a tough day at the office, many professional workers tend to relax by surfing social media sites at home rather than doing some healthy activity like a walk or gym. For instance, video games are being preferred by people over other physical games. Moreover, people who commit fewer activities while consuming excessive food, especially junk food, would lead to being overweight. This is because they burn fewer calories and results in gaining weight. The possible effects of this crucial problem are the loss of productivity and health problems. First of all, obese people are unable to work effectively in daily routine and they feel tired all the time. This lessens their work capacity and results in lower productivity. For example, it has been proven by recent research that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete some tasks than a person with normal weight. Secondly, obesity results in the improper functioning of the human body and contribute to the risk of developing some chronic illness. For example, as body fat percentage increases, the metabolism of a person's body worsens, which becomes the primary cause of developing diabetes or heart diseases. In conclusion, obesity is a serious problem that has a plethora of effects on human life nowadays. It’s mainly caused by inactive lifestyles and unhealthy leisure activities which results in severe health problems and loss of productivity.
Nowadays, the ratio of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
constantly
increasing day by day. This essay will discuss the main reasons for this epidemic and
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the potential impact of this problem.

In my opinion, the foremost causes of gaining weight are inactive lifestyles and unhealthy leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. We are living in the world where technology has commendable influence in human life due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have fewer physical demands at work. The Example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in our surroundings, after a tough day at the office,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professional workers tend to relax by surfing social media sites at home
rather
than doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like a walk or gym.
For instance
, video games are
being preferred
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over other physical games.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commit fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
while consuming excessive food,
especially
junk food, would lead to being overweight. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they burn fewer calories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in gaining weight.

The possible effects of this crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are the loss of productivity and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to work
effectively
in daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
routine and
they feel tired all the time. This lessens their work capacity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in lower productivity.
For example
, it has
been proven
by recent research that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks than a person with normal weight.
Secondly
, obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in the improper functioning of the human body and contribute to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chronic illness.
For example
, as body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
percentage increases, the metabolism of a person's body worsens, which becomes the primary cause of developing diabetes or heart diseases.

In conclusion
, obesity is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that has a plethora of effects on human life nowadays. It’s
mainly
caused by inactive lifestyles and unhealthy leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in severe health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and loss of productivity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A government's role is only to provide defense capability and urban infrastructure, such as roads, water and power. All other services, such as education, health and social security, should be provided by private groups or individuals in the communit v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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