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A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits To what extent do you agree v.2

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits 2
It is a never-ending debate whether a government should invest the taxed money in strengthening strengthing the armed forces to secure nation or on THE welfare of the citizens to help them to improve their quality of life. In my opinion, a healthy and happy community is the backbone of a nation; I am a staunch supporter of this statement. I shall support my stand with valid arguments in the ensuing paragraphs. Majority of the countries in the world are developing and have a low standard of healthcare and education. Further, lack of schools, low employment rate, and poor housing have made young ones to start earning from a very tender age to support their family monetarily. Thus, keeping the above scenarios in mind the funding generated by taxing people income should be diverted to the people upliftment in different sectors primarily, schooling and technology. In a survey, conducted by the catalysts and researchers it is concluded that majority of the people, especially infants, in the developing countries die because of lack of basic medical care. Moreover, THE government along with the charities should utilize the money by building schools and health centers. Besides, high authorities should invite the developed countries to invest in long term project and provide funding to multi-national companies to open their offices in their homeland, which will not only generate more vacancies but will improve the economy of the state. Whereas developed countries are concerned, they are the countries which have laboratories for developing ammunitions, and they supply it to developing countries and make huge profits. To conclude, I would like to say that developing nations should firstly -FIRST target and solve the social issues present in their community, which in turn will improve their economy. Consequently, with a new generation will boom who will have the knowledge and skill to make the borders secure.
It is a never-ending debate whether a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest the taxed money in strengthening
Possible spelling mistake found.
strengthing
the armed forces to secure nation or on THE welfare of the citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality of life. In my opinion, a healthy and happy community is the backbone of a nation; I am a staunch supporter of this statement. I shall support my stand with valid arguments in the ensuing paragraphs.

Majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
and have a low standard of healthcare and education.
Further
, lack of schools, low employment rate, and poor housing have made young ones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tender age to support their family
monetarily
.
Thus
, keeping the above scenarios in mind the funding generated by taxing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
income should
be diverted
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors
primarily
, schooling and technology. In a survey, conducted by the catalysts and researchers it
is concluded
that majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
infants, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of basic medical care.

Moreover
, THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
along with the charities should utilize the money by building schools and health centers.
Besides
, high authorities should invite the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to invest in long term project and provide funding to multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to open their offices in their homeland, which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
generate more vacancies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the state. Whereas developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are concerned
, they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which have laboratories for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
Possible spelling mistake found.
ammunitions
, and they supply it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge profits.

To conclude
, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
nations should
firstly
-
FIRST
target and solve the social issues present in their community, which in turn will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy.
Consequently
, with a new generation will boom who will have the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the borders secure.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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