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A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits. v.1

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits. v. 1
There is no doubt that the primary role of a government is to protect its citizens from threats. Therefore, many people argued that the government should increase spending on defence, but spend less on social benefits. Although spending on defence or military can ensure citizens’ safety, it is crucial to spend money on social benefits to improve our social welfare. On the one hand, improving and strengthening the armed force and military is essential for a country as it protects citizens from threats. By spending more money on defence, the government enables the arm force to deter aggressive neighbour countries and terrorists in which want to attack the country. Consequently, it does not only limits the war, but also prevents the death of innocents and damaging properties. Therefore, by putting more taxes to improve defence force, it can enhance the safety of our society and protecting the citizens from harmful threats. On the other hand, spending money on social benefits is crucial not only to improve the standard of society’s living but also help our community to develop. For example, the government should spend money on building more public services such as hospitals and educational institutions, as it ensures people are able to satisfy their fundamental needs. Moreover, it also helps our community’s economy as it creates more career opportunities. Consequently, it also improves our nation’s standing in the world economy. Therefore, the act of spending more money on social benefits creates a variety of distinct advantage not only to the citizens but also to our society. In conclusion, spending more money on defence force can enhance the safety of our society. However, the government should not spend less on social benefits as it has a variety of distinct advantages not only for the citizens but also for our community.
There is no doubt that the primary role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to protect its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
from threats.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
or military can ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens’
safety, it is crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare.

On the one hand, improving and strengthening the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
and military is essential for a country as it protects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
from threats. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
enables the arm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
to deter aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
countries and terrorists in which want to attack the country.
Consequently
, it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "limit"?
limits
the war,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
the death of innocents and damaging properties.
Therefore
, by putting more taxes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
, it can enhance the safety of our society and protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
from harmful threats.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
is crucial not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the standard of society’s living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our community to develop.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on building more public services such as hospitals and educational institutions, as it ensures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to satisfy their fundamental needs.
Moreover
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our community’s economy as it creates more career opportunities.
Consequently
, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
our nation’s standing in the world economy.
Therefore
, the act of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
creates a variety of distinct advantage not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to our society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
can enhance the safety of our society.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
as it has a variety of distinct advantages not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for our community.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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