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Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.2

Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. v. 2
It is undoubtedly true that modern people are facing up to new health problems and ailments than before. Many people claim that this is because of their inactive lifestyle. However, I think that this could be one of the critical factors. But we cannot neglect the other factors that are even having a more significant impact on the lifestyle of people. To embark upon, I agree that a sedentary lifestyle leads to many problems. It is often seen that people spend most of their time sitting at one place at doing their work because of the hectic lifestyle. For Instance, if an individual is working in a company with working hours of 9 daily, most of his awake time is spent sitting in one place. As a consequence of this, the body can become stiff and most if its movement starts restricting with time. Moreover, they also spend most of their time sitting in front of the tv or other tools. Nevertheless, there are some other causes of why people are experiencing serious medical problems. Firstly, the environment of the modern world polluted vary significantly from greenhouse gas emissions and other gasses. For example, many people are suffering from allergies and different kinds of diseases because of these gasses. Secondly, foods with a low quality such as fast foods, junk foods, and any genetically modified ones are influencing our health very negatively. Finally, life becoming more stressful due to some recent problems such as traffic Jam, traffic accidents, and others. In conclusion, due to advancement in technology in the present days in which we live, there is a growing increase in the number of people living a sedentary lifestyle, and this is associated with health problems. However, there are also some other issues which make human life worse.
It is
undoubtedly
true that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing up to new health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and ailments than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this could be one of the critical factors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we cannot neglect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that are even having a more significant impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To embark upon, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting at one place at doing their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
For Instance
, if an individual is working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with working hours of 9 daily, most of his awake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is spent
sitting in one place. As a consequence of this, the body can become stiff and most if its movement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
restricting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, they
also
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting in front of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
tools.

Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
causes of why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are experiencing serious medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, the environment of the modern world polluted vary
significantly
from greenhouse gas emissions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
gasses.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from allergies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these gasses.
Secondly
, foods with a low quality such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods, junk foods, and any
genetically
modified ones are influencing our health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
negatively
.
Finally
, life becoming more stressful due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as traffic Jam, traffic accidents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

In conclusion
, due to advancement in technology in the present days in which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, there is a growing increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, and this
is associated
with health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
However
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human life worse.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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