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A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree? v.8

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 8
Undoubtedly, it is the duty of any nation's authorities to provide liability and secure environment for their people. Thus, some individuals reckon that bureaucrats have to allocate more efforts on safety rather than social advantages. I personally believe that for prosperity of any country, these both aspects are equally significant. Firstly, myriad of countries have been suffering multifarious crimes such as robbery, kidnapping, snatching, mugging and many more. Therefore, law making authorities should install CCTV cameras in public places and more masses should recruit in the police, as well as, government should enhance the patrolling in crime prone areas. For instance, a crucial drop in crimes analyse through a survey conducted by "The Hindustan times" news channel that CCTV cameras were installed in Mumbai city and with the help of it, the police was able to identify the culprits successful. Consequently, people feel free and comfortable as far away places from their homes. Nevertheless, a nation can only gain prosperity and development if the masses living there are well improvised and happy. Authorities should concern about the health care of the people in the nation. They should allocate some funds for the establishment of public hospitals and also provide medical facilities, like free medical checkups, medicines, old age pensions. Furthermore, poverty is the other dominant issue of unemployment, because poverty stricken people cannot afford the fees of schools and colleges. Thus, they engage in criminal activities to fulfil the needs of their lives. So, governments have to look the basic necessity of primary education for the masses. To recapitulate, it is lucid that the safety of people is the concerned priority of government. However, I assert that social benefits are also mandatory for citizens and bureaucrats should maintain balance between these both aspects wisely.
Undoubtedly
, it is the duty of any nation's authorities to provide liability and secure environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals reckon that bureaucrats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate more efforts on safety
rather
than social advantages. I
personally
believe that for prosperity of any country, these both aspects are
equally
significant.

Firstly
, myriad of countries have been suffering multifarious crimes such as robbery, kidnapping, snatching, mugging and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Therefore
, law making authorities should install CCTV cameras in public places and more masses should recruit in the police,
as well
as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enhance the patrolling in crime prone areas.
For instance
, a crucial drop in crimes
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
through a survey conducted by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The Hindustan times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
news channel that CCTV cameras
were installed
in Mumbai city and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of it, the police was able to identify the culprits successful.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel free and comfortable as far away places from their homes.

Nevertheless
, a nation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain prosperity and development if the masses living there are well improvised and happy. Authorities should concern about the health care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the nation. They should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds for the establishment of public hospitals and
also
provide medical facilities, like free medical checkups, medicines,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age pensions.
Furthermore
, poverty is the other dominant issue of unemployment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
poverty stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford the fees of schools and colleges.
Thus
, they engage in criminal activities to fulfil the needs of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look the basic necessity of primary education for the masses.

To recapitulate, it is lucid that the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the concerned priority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
However
, I assert that social benefits are
also
mandatory for citizens and bureaucrats should maintain balance between these both aspects
wisely
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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