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A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v.2

A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 2
Governments had issued a policy called free-trade agreement to permit international-manufactured products to be sold in the international market allowing consumers around the world to be able to purchase it. To some extent, I consider that this development is profitable. However, I also believe this process highly affects the economic status of a nation. There are several advantages brought by international trade. First of all, open trade provides an extensive choice of goods for consumers around the world. This gives access for the consumers to have high-quality as well as affordable goods. Therefore, people can fulfil their requirements. Another positive side of international trading is the availability of certain products which are unable to be manufactured in third world countries. Sophisticated technology such as high technological machines and computers for example, are mostly produced in developed countries such as Japan or Germany, but because of the open market, these products are available in developed nations. So that people in the developing world can adopt the newest technology products. However, this development also leads to abominable consequences. The free-trade policy might hinder a national economic growth due to the fact that it can make the buyers leaving local products and prefer to buy imported goods having better qualities and prices. In Indonesia for instance, many people choose to purchase electronics produced from Japan having better in terms of qualities and competitive prices. A result, several local electronic companies have to fire their workers to cut their expenses. In the long run, this will badly affect the nation’s economic growth as well as decreasing public prosperity. To sum up, although international trade agreement making people can access international products easily, this phenomenon also can have negative effects on the nation’s development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
had issued a policy called free-trade agreement to permit international-manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
be sold
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
market allowing consumers around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I consider that this development is profitable.
However
, I
also
believe this process
highly
affects the economic status of a nation.

There are several advantages brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
trade.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, open trade provides an extensive choice of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
for consumers around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This gives access for the consumers to have high-quality
as well
as affordable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fulfil their requirements. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
trading is the availability of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are unable to
be manufactured
in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
countries. Sophisticated technology such as high technological machines and computers
for example
, are
mostly
produced in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as Japan or Germany,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the open market, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are available in developed nations.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
can adopt the newest technology products.

However
, this development
also
leads to abominable consequences. The free-trade policy might hinder a national economic growth due to the fact that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the buyers leaving local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
imported
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
having better qualities and prices. In Indonesia
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
electronics produced from Japan having better in terms of qualities and competitive prices. A result, several local electronic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fire their workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
their expenses. In the long run, this will
badly
affect the nation’s economic growth
as well
as decreasing public prosperity.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
trade agreement making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
easily
, this phenomenon
also
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the nation’s development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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