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The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap? v.1

The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap? v. 1
It is true that young people graduate from high school without leaning how to manage their personal finances. There are several reasons for this problem and various measures can be taken by educational institutions and family to improve the situation. Firstly, educational institutes have the most powerful influence on children’s development, but in nowadays, most of all schools do not teach young students personal money management. In addition, most students do not need to work to earn money due to the fact that school boards focus on science subject or social studies, so children do not learn earning and spend money. Second, many children rely on allowance from their parents; therefore, they do not understand about the realities of earning and saving money. For instance, young children usually receive amounts of pocket-money from their parent without realizing that how to earn that money; this will have a negative impact on the way children spend money in the future. The way to solve this problem is that academic institutions should equip their students with the knowledge and skills to manage their personal finances. For example, schools need to give basic money management lessons as a compulsory subject for students. Another solution is parents should educate their children on this matter at home because parents play a vital role in teaching their children how to spend money. To illustrate, parents can give their children an amount of money when they travel; therefore, young people have to manage their personal budget. This solution helps young children to become more financially dependent, and they can avoid overspending money. Furthermore, young people will be better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life. In conclusion, although personal money management is a problem for the majority of school leavers, there are also some measures to solve this problem.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
graduate from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
without leaning how to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
finances. There are several reasons for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and various measures can
be taken
by educational institutions and family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.

Firstly
, educational institutes have the most powerful influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
, most of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management.
In addition
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to work to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
boards focus on science subject or social studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not learn
If 'learn' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to earn".
earning
and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rely on allowance from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
;
therefore
, they do not understand about the realities of earning and saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
receive amounts of pocket-money from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
without realizing that how to earn that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
; this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the future.

The way to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that academic institutions should equip their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
finances.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
need to give basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management lessons as a compulsory subject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Another solution is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on this matter at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a vital role in teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they travel;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
budget. This solution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become more
financially
dependent, and they can avoid overspending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be better prepared to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of adult life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for the majority of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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