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Individual can have a great impact on a group or community. select one example. explain how this person has affected v.1

Individual can have a great impact on a group or community. select one example. explain how this person has affected v. 1
It is undeniable that the vast majority of artists generate more money than officials who work in the political sectors. This essay will discuss why this happens and how will it have a positive impact on people around the globe. To begin with, due to the technological development recently, it is often argued that entertainers can be benefited more than those who work in politics, such as the government. The reason behind this is that they can earn more money depending on the number of their followers and how long are the advertisements they operate. For instance, during my MBA marketing course in the United States, I found that the number of followers may vary from one entertainer to another and thus the more followers the more money. In other words, a make-up artist with 40, 000 followers on Instagram can make almost 10, 000. 00 USD weekly, which considered a significant amount when compared to people who have a role in politics. In contrast, if this politician has an Instagram account, he will certainly make more money than their salaries. Furthermore, artists often have a significant role in people’s life. This is because these artists are knowledgeable at some point in a certain issue. To illustrate, Noor Al Huda, is an American inspirer who is considered as a religious icon due to her plenty of knowledge in religions she has, and thus she inspires many people around the globe due to her millions of followers who watch her on a daily basis. For this reason, such actions will have a vital role in society and people. To conclude, it seems to be conspicuous that entertainers have a positive impact at some point on their followers without the neglecting the technological advancements.
It is undeniable that the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
generate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than officials
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in the political sectors. This essay will discuss why this happens and how will it have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to the technological development recently, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that entertainers can
be benefited
more than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in politics, such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The reason behind this is that they can earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
depending on the number of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
and how long are the advertisements they operate.
For instance
, during my MBA marketing course in the United States, I found that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
may vary from one entertainer to another and
thus
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
with 40, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
on Instagram can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
almost 10, 000. 00 USD weekly, which considered a significant amount when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a role in politics.
In contrast
, if this politician has an Instagram account, he will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than their salaries.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are knowledgeable at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point in a certain issue. To illustrate, Noor Al
Possible spelling mistake found.
Huda
, is an American
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspirer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is considered
as a religious icon due to her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of knowledge in religions she has, and
thus
she inspires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe due to her millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
her on a daily basis.
For this reason
, such actions will have a vital role in society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, it seems to be conspicuous that entertainers have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
without the neglecting the technological advancements.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Individual can have a great impact on a group or community. select one example. explain how this person has affected v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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