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A gift (such as a camera, soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to be a child's development. what gift would you give to help a child develop? v.1

A gift (such as a camera, soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to be a child's development. what gift would you give to help a child develop? v. 1
Exercise is essential in achieving optimal health, as it pushes us out of our comfort zone and away from disease and death. However, while some believe that showing major sporting events on television motivates individuals to exercise, I feel that there are other option to get them to exercise. On the one hand, it could be argued that broadcasting major sporting events on television motivates people to start exercising. Those in favour of motivating people by showing sports on TV arguing that many of the athletes in their late thirties are giving serious competition to their much younger challengers. As a result, many adults realize that this health is all they will have when they get older. Tennis star Roger Federer, who is thirty-five years old is a classic example of this. Many individuals have followed him and taken up tennis as a sport to improve and maintain their fitness levels. They also claim that people watching events on TV are emotionally connected to their teams and their country. Consequently, when their team wins a medal, they feel energetic and stimulated to improve their fitness levels. On the other hand, I side with those who believe that there are other methods to motivate people to exercise. The first way is to propagate the benefits of exercise using different methods such as advertisements in theatre screens, newspaper and social media pages. For instance, a short clip can be shown before any movie starts. This will not only educate the people about the benefits of exercise, but it will also be captured in their subconscious mind, which will always keep on reminding the person the benefit of exercising. However, my strongest idea to propagate exercise is to let the local government get involved. Governments could promote various programs like dedicate a day a Yoga day. March 25 is celebrated as World International Yoga day. During this day various yoga programs are held to propagate not only the precise of yoga, but also informing about the benefits of healthy living. In conclusion, although watching sports on TV can be motivating for individuals to start the practice of exercise, but other ways like advertisements and having dedicated days to remind people about physical activity is better. Therefore, ultimately, I strongly believe that there are other ways to motivate individuals than just by showing sports on television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercise
is essential in achieving optimal health, as it pushes us out of our comfort zone and away from disease and death.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that showing major sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, I feel that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them to exercise.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that broadcasting major sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
exercising. Those in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV arguing that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the athletes in their late thirties are giving serious competition to their much younger challengers.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults realize that this health is all they will have when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older. Tennis star Roger Federer, who is thirty-five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is a classic example of this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have followed him and taken up tennis as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and maintain their fitness levels. They
also
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
on TV are
emotionally
connected to their teams and their country.
Consequently
, when their team wins a medal, they feel energetic and stimulated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their fitness levels.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I side with those who believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. The
first
way is to propagate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods such as advertisements in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
screens, newspaper and social media pages.
For instance
, a short clip can
be shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
be captured
in their subconscious mind, which will always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on reminding the person the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
of exercising.
However
, my strongest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to propagate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
could promote various programs like dedicate a day a Yoga day. March 25
is celebrated
as World International Yoga day. During this day various yoga programs
are held
to propagate not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The phrase 'the precise of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the precise of
yoga,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
informing about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of healthy living.

In conclusion
, although watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV can be motivating for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways like advertisements and having dedicated days to remind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about physical activity is better.
Therefore
,
ultimately
, I
strongly
believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on television.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A gift (such as a camera, soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to be a child's development. what gift would you give to help a child develop? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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