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A gift (such as a camera, soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to be a child's development. what gift would you give to help a child develop? v.1

A gift (such as a camera, soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to be a child's development. what gift would you give to help a child develop? v. 1
Exercise is essential in achieving optimal health, as it pushes us out of our comfort zone and away from disease and death. However, while some believe that showing major sporting events on television motivates individuals to exercise, I feel that there are other option to get them to exercise. On the one hand, it could be argued that broadcasting major sporting events on television motivates people to start exercising. Those in favour of motivating people by showing sports on TV arguing that many of the athletes in their late thirties are giving serious competition to their much younger challengers. As a result, many adults realize that this health is all they will have when they get older. Tennis star Roger Federer, who is thirty-five years old is a classic example of this. Many individuals have followed him and taken up tennis as a sport to improve and maintain their fitness levels. They also claim that people watching events on TV are emotionally connected to their teams and their country. Consequently, when their team wins a medal, they feel energetic and stimulated to improve their fitness levels. On the other hand, I side with those who believe that there are other methods to motivate people to exercise. The first way is to propagate the benefits of exercise using different methods such as advertisements in theatre screens, newspaper and social media pages. For instance, a short clip can be shown before any movie starts. This will not only educate the people about the benefits of exercise, but it will also be captured in their subconscious mind, which will always keep on reminding the person the benefit of exercising. However, my strongest idea to propagate exercise is to let the local government get involved. Governments could promote various programs like dedicate a day a Yoga day. March 25 is celebrated as World International Yoga day. During this day various yoga programs are held to propagate not only the precise of yoga, but also informing about the benefits of healthy living. In conclusion, although watching sports on TV can be motivating for individuals to start the practice of exercise, but other ways like advertisements and having dedicated days to remind people about physical activity is better. Therefore, ultimately, I strongly believe that there are other ways to motivate individuals than just by showing sports on television.
Exercise
is essential in achieving optimal health, as it pushes us out of our comfort zone and away from disease and death.
However
, while
some
believe that showing major sporting
events
on television
motivates
individuals
to
exercise
, I feel that there are
other
option to
get
them to exercise.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that broadcasting major sporting
events
on television
motivates
people
to
start
exercising. Those in
favour
of motivating
people
by showing
sports
on TV arguing that
many
of the athletes in their late thirties are giving serious competition to their much younger challengers.
As a result
,
many
adults realize that this health is all they will have when they
get
older. Tennis star Roger Federer, who is thirty-five years
old
is a classic example of this.
Many
individuals
have followed him and taken up tennis as a
sport
to
improve
and maintain their fitness levels. They
also
claim that
people
watching
events
on TV are
emotionally
connected to their teams and their country.
Consequently
, when their team wins a medal, they feel energetic and stimulated to
improve
their fitness levels.

On the
other
hand, I side with those who believe that there are
other
methods to
motivate
people
to
exercise
. The
first
way is to propagate the
benefits
of
exercise
using
different
methods such as advertisements in
theatre
screens, newspaper and social media pages.
For instance
, a short clip can
be shown
before
any movie
starts
. This will not
only
educate the
people
about the
benefits
of
exercise
,
but
it will
also
be captured
in their subconscious mind, which will always
keep
on reminding the person the
benefit
of exercising.
However
, my strongest
idea
to propagate
exercise
is to
let
the local
government
get
involved.
Governments
could promote various programs like dedicate a day a Yoga day. March 25
is celebrated
as World International Yoga day. During this day various yoga programs
are held
to propagate not
only
the precise of
yoga,
but
also
informing about the
benefits
of healthy living.

In conclusion
, although watching
sports
on TV can be motivating for
individuals
to
start
the practice of
exercise
,
but
other
ways like advertisements and having dedicated days to remind
people
about physical activity is better.
Therefore
,
ultimately
, I
strongly
believe that there are
other
ways to
motivate
individuals
than
just
by showing
sports
on television.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A gift (such as a camera, soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to be a child's development. what gift would you give to help a child develop? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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