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A friend of yours wants to go to university next year but cannot decide on a major field of study. What advice would you give your friend to help make this decision? v.1

A friend of yours wants to go to university next year but cannot decide on a major field of study. What advice would you give your friend to help make this decision? v. 1
These days, there is a controversy surrounding the issue of the obesity among children throughout the globe. Some assert that being overweight would have a detrimental effect on children’s health and also financial support of treatment will get them in the trouble in the future. I persistently support this idea, and in my personal view, children are involved in this issue in the view of the fact that now they are not only enough physically active, but also they choose to eat much more fast food rather than eating healthy. There are a number of reasons for the proliferation of overweight children in the society. The first among such factors are eating a redundant amount of junk food. According to a thorough scrutiny, 17% of children aged from 2-19 are a prey of obesity. This is because there are some parents who choose not to cook at home because they are indolent and thereby prefer to eat non-healthy food at fast food places like McDonald's, which leads them as well as their kids to be fat. Yet another factor, in my opinion, is not introducing the kids to sports and exercises. In the modern day society, children are provided with their personal phones, laptops, and video game consoles. Furthermore, on an average, a child spends about 8 hours using technology per day. Therefore, sitting at home all day and not physically playing games can also accelerate fat as well as other harmful effects to other body parts like eyes, brain, and heart. In addition, if the parents want their kids to stay fit, it is essential that they are being more careful of what their children eat as well as focusing on their daily activities. Parents should have a diet plan, in which their broods are allowed to eat a very little amount of junk food; also, mothers/fathers should try to prevent eating outside food as much as possible and cook healthy food at home instead. Moreover, keeping an eye on how much time a child spends in front of screens is significant. There should be a strict timetable, in which a child can only spend 1-hour playing video games and at least 2 hours playing sports and exercising. In conclusion, if couples want their children to be fit and healthy, they have to spend a lot of time with their kids being staggering with their eating habits as well as the use of technology.
These days, there is a controversy surrounding the issue of the obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
throughout the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that being overweight would have a detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and
also
financial support of treatment will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them in the trouble in the future. I
persistently
support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and in my personal view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are involved
in this issue in the view of the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physically
active,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy.

There are a number of reasons for the proliferation of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the society. The
first
among such factors are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a redundant amount of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. According to a thorough scrutiny, 17% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged from 2-19 are a prey of obesity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents who choose not to cook at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are indolent and thereby prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
non-healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
places like McDonald's, which leads them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
Yet
another factor, in my opinion, is not introducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to sports and exercises. In the modern day society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are provided
with their personal phones, laptops, and video game consoles.
Furthermore
, on an average, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
about 8 hours using technology per day.
Therefore
, sitting at home all day and not
physically
playing games can
also
accelerate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as other harmful effects to other body parts like eyes, brain, and heart.

In addition
, if the parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to stay fit, it is essential that they are being more careful of what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as focusing on their daily activities. Parents should have a diet plan, in which their broods are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
;
also
, mothers/fathers should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as much as possible and cook healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home
instead
.
Moreover
, keeping an eye on how much time a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
in front of screens is significant. There should be a strict timetable, in which a child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
1-hour playing video games and at least 2 hours playing sports and exercising.

In conclusion
, if couples want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be fit
and healthy, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
being staggering with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A friend of yours wants to go to university next year but cannot decide on a major field of study. What advice would you give your friend to help make this decision? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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