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A D It is better to take risks and explore new things when you are older than when you are young v.3

A D It is better to take risks and explore new things when you are older than when you are young v. 3
All people are seeking new experiences during their lives. One of the important factors to discover new knowledge about different aspects of the life is taking risks. Although some people accept risks and dangerous situations more when they are young, some others assert that it is more crucial in older ages. In my opinion, the youth need to take risks more than older people. First of all, people are more flexible when they are younger. They can adapt themselves with new conditions soon. For example, younger immigrants are more satisfied and can handle hard problems better compared to people who are more than 50 years old. They are fresh and can work harder and think more positive while experienced people are prudent. So, teenagers and the youth are able to tolerate hardships and change their minds or environment. Moreover, taking risks has some disadvantages in some cases. People in younger ages have more opportunities to rectify their mistakes and learn a lot of new skills from bad experiences. For example, when I came to USA, I was 24 years old and I started to study right after arriving but my friend who is 45 years old could not find a suitable job and staying at home is very hard for her. She worked in our home country and she left her job. Now it is impossible for her to go back to Iran and work again. This experience taught me that in older ages people have to be more careful because they would lose their life and money, if they do not consider every possible consequence. Finally, some people asserts that when you are older, your experiences are more and this factor help you to take risks sooner. Although I think first part of this statement is correct, I reject the second part. Older men and women prefer to present their knowledge and information to the youth and make them aware about risks. Since they have some dreadful experiences about some risks, they are not interested in repeating them. Therefore, their thoughts can assist others to choose a proper way. To wrap up, for aforementioned reasons, I claim that juveniles can explore useful things by taking risks better than older people.
All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of the life is taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations more when they are young,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others assert that it is more crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ages. In my opinion, the youth need to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more flexible when they are younger. They can adapt themselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
For example
, younger immigrants are more satisfied and can handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
problems better compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more than 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. They are fresh and can work harder and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
while experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prudent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and the youth are able to tolerate hardships and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds or environment.

Moreover
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in younger ages have more opportunities to rectify their mistakes and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
For example
, when I came
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
, I was 24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to study right after arriving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my friend who is 45 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
could not find a suitable job and staying at home is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for her. She worked in our home
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
her job.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is impossible for her to go back to Iran and work again. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
taught me that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more careful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would lose their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
and money, if they do not consider every possible consequence.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
asserts
that when you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are more and this factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
sooner. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
first
part of this statement is correct, I reject the second part.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women prefer to present their knowledge and information to the youth and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
. Since they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dreadful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, they are not interested in repeating them.
Therefore
, their thoughts can assist others to choose a proper way.

To wrap up, for aforementioned reasons, I claim that juveniles can explore useful things by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay A D It is better to take risks and explore new things when you are older than when you are young v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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