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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 9
Ever since the dawn of industrialization, ethnic landscapes of many developed and developing nations have changed remarkably and several western nations these days have more heterogeneous population than ever before. It is often cited that this diversification of nationalities makes a country more appealing and leads to expeditious advancements. I completely agree with this view and this will be shown in this essay by analysing the copiousness of the culture brought in by different nationalities and how a country can utilise distinct strengths of people from different races and nationalities. To begin with, the more diverse the nationalities in a country, the richer its culture becomes. For instance, people over a hundred nationalities reside in Dubai and this leads to the availability of hundreds of different cuisines throughout the country. As a result, Dubai is called the ‘food capital’ of the Middle East. This, in turn, attracts tourists from all over the world who come to explore this richness in culture in Dubai. Hence, the contribution of having an amalgam of diverse types of people makes the culture of a country more intriguing. Besides, many researchers agree that people from different countries have different strengths and weaknesses. For example, Singaporeans and other Asians are generally better at math, while Africans are known for their strength. Countries such as the United States and the United Kingdom have harnessed these strengths of people from different races to become global leaders. Therefore, the benefits of having a mixture of citizens in a country’s workforce are obvious. To conclude, having a mixture of nationalities leads enrichment of cultures and faster advancement of a country. It is expected that more countries will benefit from this phenomena in the future.
Ever since the dawn of industrialization, ethnic landscapes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed and developing nations have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
remarkably
and several western nations these days have more heterogeneous population than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cited that this diversification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more appealing and leads to expeditious advancements. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and this will
be shown
in this essay by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the copiousness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
brought in by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
and how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
races and nationalities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the more diverse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the richer its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
becomes.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over a hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
reside in Dubai and this leads to the availability of hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cuisines throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
, Dubai
is called
the ‘food capital’ of the Middle East. This, in turn, attracts tourists from all over the world who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to explore this richness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in Dubai.
Hence
, the contribution of having an amalgam of diverse types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more intriguing.

Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
and weaknesses.
For example
, Singaporeans and other Asians are
generally
better at math, while Africans
are known
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strength
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
such as the United States and the United Kingdom have harnessed these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strengths
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
races to become global leaders.
Therefore
, the benefits of having a mixture of citizens in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
workforce are obvious.

To conclude
, having a mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
leads enrichment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and faster advancement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will benefit from
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena in the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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