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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 4
Some people argue that a culturally diverse nation benefits from this diversity as it becomes more fascinating and grows at a faster pace. I totally agree with this opinion and because life among a variety of nationalities is not likely to be mundane and blending the positives of diverse skill sets results in stronger economic growth. The main reason why I believe that the mixture of individuals from other nationalities represents an advantage for a country is that a culturally and ethnically diverse nation is more interesting as there are many different lifestyles reflecting different ethnic origins in it. More specifically, in a multi-cultural society, one can enjoy a variety of unique traditions and customs which is very exciting and adds spice to life. For instance, people in Perth, Western Australia can go to the inner city and celebrate Chinese New Year which provides a fascinating insight into Chinese culture. Moreover, I believe that progress in multicultural nations is much quicker due to the diversity of the workforce. The reason for this is that different nationalities have different strengths which can be harnessed in the workplace. For instance, it is well known that different languages result in people’s logic and thought process being slightly different. As a result, when ethnically diverse people work together to solve a problem, they are collectively able to think out of the box, coming up with unique new solutions. Therefore, companies can draw on diversity to outdo their competitors, ultimately causing the economy of the country to prosper. In conclusion, I am in complete agreement that a combination of immigrants from different nationalities and with different traditions is advantageous for a nation. This is due to the more interesting society it creates, along with the associated diversity of the workforce which ensures strong economic growth. Therefore, it seems that countries should embrace cultural diversity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that a
culturally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
benefits from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
as it becomes more fascinating and grows at a faster pace. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
life among a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
is not likely to be mundane and blending the positives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets results in stronger economic growth.

The main reason why I believe that the mixture of individuals from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
represents an advantage for a country is that a
culturally
and
ethnically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is more interesting as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
lifestyles reflecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ethnic origins in it. More
specifically
, in a multi-cultural society, one can enjoy a variety of unique traditions and customs which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exciting and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
spice to life.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Perth, Western Australia can go to the inner city and celebrate Chinese New Year which provides a fascinating insight into Chinese culture.

Moreover
, I believe that progress in multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is much quicker due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
of the workforce.
The reason for this is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
strengths which can
be harnessed
in the workplace.
For instance
, it is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
languages result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
logic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process being
slightly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
.
As a result
, when
ethnically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work together to solve a problem, they are
collectively
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box, coming up with unique new solutions.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can draw on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
to outdo their competitors,
ultimately
causing the economy of the country to prosper.

In conclusion
, I am in complete agreement that a combination of immigrants from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
and with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
traditions is advantageous for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This is due to the more interesting society it creates, along with the associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
of the workforce which ensures strong economic growth.
Therefore
, it seems that countries should embrace cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diversity
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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