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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 10
Differences between nationalities pave the road to development. Moreover, exchanging cultures and languages with foreigners can have a lot of benefits that would have been otherwise impossible if we had only dealt with people from the same nationality. In fact, when a nation hosts a variety of nationalities among its people, it develops faster and even becomes more interesting. The Essay will argue why this is ultimately accurate. Despite minor challenges, a country that have its population from different parts of the world, is considered to be really authentic. Furthermore, mixing various cultures and traditions adds a value to the people who exist in such a situation. For instance, Dubai has the highest percentage of various spoken languages in the world, where more than fifty percent of its population are not native speakers. Therefore, it's beautiful to live in a place where you can hear multiple languages, see multiple skin colours and enjoy various traditions. In addition, development in such countries is faster and easier. Because a person from a developed country may transfer some ideas to improve the education level during his stay in a less developed one. For example, a research showed that Germany's economy was badly affected because it didn't allow migration due to the fact that many creative engineers are not necessarily german to begin with. It is for these reasons, it's logical to believe that hosting people from all over the world could make a development plan go quicker. In conclusion, the world is blessed with a lot of cultures and differences. The Essay argued why it's extremely beautiful for a country to have such a privilege. In my opinion, I wish I can live in a place where a mixture of nationalities exists, that would be totally breathtaking.
Differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
pave the road to development.
Moreover
, exchanging cultures and languages with foreigners can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits that would have been
otherwise
impossible if we had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dealt with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationality
. In fact, when a nation hosts a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
among its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it develops faster and even becomes more interesting. The Essay will argue why this is
ultimately
accurate.

Despite minor challenges, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that have its population from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
is considered
to be
really
authentic.
Furthermore
, mixing various cultures and traditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
a value to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who exist in such a situation.
For instance
, Dubai has the highest percentage of various spoken languages in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, where more than fifty percent of its population are not native speakers.
Therefore
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a place where you can hear multiple languages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
multiple skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and enjoy various traditions.

In addition
, development in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is faster and easier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a person from a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may transfer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the education level during his stay in a less developed one.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that Germany's economy was
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
migration due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
creative engineers are not
necessarily
Possible spelling mistake found.
german
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with. It is for these reasons, it's logical to believe that hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a development plan go quicker.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is blessed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cultures and differences. The Essay argued why it's
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have such a privilege. In my opinion, I wish I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a place where a mixture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
exists, that would be
totally
breathtaking.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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