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Some people think that changing people's attitudes to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is the trade. v.1

Some people think that changing people's attitudes to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is the trade. v. 1
It is believed that changing people’s perspective and way of thinking to advance a country's culture and habit is an essential factor in reducing the worldwide poverty problem. However, other people disagree with it and think that increasing trade activities between countries and regions are more important. This essay will discuss in details about the two opinions, but from my point of view, I do believe that both views are important and they should be combined. On the one hand, some people think that increasing trade volume among nations will reduce the world poverty issue, especially trade between poor and advanced countries. It is a fact that due to the high unemployment rate in third world countries, labour and production costs in these countries are lower than in advanced countries. This condition has attracted so many investors from developed nations in doing trading and investing activities to many third world countries. And when trade volume increases, it will automatically create job opportunities for the local people, and gradually reduce the unemployment rate and poverty level. On the other hand, other people think that the root cause of the world poverty problem is the mindset and attitudes of the people themselves. Most of the poor people have a traditional mindset and believe that education is not an important factor for success. As a result, they have a simple mindset and lack of skill which definitely affect to their economic conditions. Therefore, it is believed that poor countries should observe and learn the habit and the attitude of advanced countries’ people. By learning from them, it is expected that the perspective of the poor countries’ people will gradually change and hoped that their economic conditions will gradually improve. In conclusion, people have argued about how to resolve the world poverty problem. A group of people believe that the poor countries’ people should learn the way of thinking and attitude of advanced countries’ people, while others think that increasing trades would be the best way to solve the issue. I personally think that both opinions are favourable and the combination of these two views would definitely reduce the world poverty.
It
is believed
that changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
perspective and way of thinking to advance a country's culture and habit is an essential factor in reducing the worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
problem.
However
,
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that increasing
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trade
activities between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and regions are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the two opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from my point of view, I do believe that both views are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
they should
be combined
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
volume among nations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
issue,
especially
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trade
between
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poor
and
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advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is a fact that due to the high unemployment rate in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
and production costs in these
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countries
are lower than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This condition has attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investors from developed nations in
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going trading".
doing trading
and investing activities to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
third
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world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. And when
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trade
volume increases, it will
automatically
create job opportunities for the local
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people
, and
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment rate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
level.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the root cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
problem is the mindset and attitudes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a traditional mindset and believe that education is not an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for success.
As a result
, they have a simple mindset and lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which definitely affect to their economic conditions.
Therefore
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should observe and learn the habit and the attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By learning from them, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the perspective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and hoped that their economic conditions will
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued about how to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
problem. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should learn the way of thinking and attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trades
would be the best way to solve the issue.

I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that both opinions are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
and the combination of these two views would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that changing people's attitudes to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is the trade. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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