Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that changing people’s attitude to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is trade. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that changing people’s attitude to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is trade. v. 1
It is undeniable that many people have an idea of shifting people's attitude to other countries and cultures is a significant way in decreasing world poverty while others think trade is the most important method to fall down the world poverty. From my point of view, I think these two ideas have benefits in their own way, described in the following paragraph. Changing people's attitude to other countries and culture is an essential factory because when we learned about the different countries and culture with opened heart to understand and ready to make friends. Therefore we can make a world more unity by our friendship. Additionally we have to learn how to respect and willing to understand the people from different culture to avoid culture shock that could happen. Although friendship is the best method to reducing world poverty. Trading is also a good method too. Every country can make the profit with trading. It's made them want to trade and want to connect to other countries. However, they can trade in their country, but they will get the thing that non familiar than what they have because they live in the same land that might have same geographic. Trading with other countries will gain them many different things they want especially a profit. To conclude, These two method have their own way of making the world unity, But they also have their way of benefit. Friendship may help reduce the world poverty. In contrary, it is undeniable that human need money and profit and trading could give them. A different method can process the different result.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of shifting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
is a significant way in decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
trade is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to fall down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have benefits in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the following paragraph.

Changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is an essential factory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when we learned about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
with opened heart to understand and ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
more unity by our friendship.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to respect and willing to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
shock that could happen.

“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
friendship is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trading
is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
too. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the profit with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trading
. It's made them want to trade and want to connect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, they can trade in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the thing that
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non familiar
than what they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same land that might have same geographic.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trading
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will gain them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things they want
especially
a profit.

To conclude
, These two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
unity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they
also
have their way of benefit. Friendship may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. In contrary, it is undeniable that human need money and profit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trading
could give them. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
can process the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
result.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that changing people’s attitude to other countries and cultures is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is trade. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts