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9. Describe a social or politics celebration event in your culture. Specificexamples and details are necessary in your statement. v.1

9. Describe a social or politics celebration event in your culture. Specificexamples and details are necessary in your statement. v. 1
It is often argued that government should spend a huge amount of money on public services rather than allocating budget for arts, music and theatre. I agree that the government should finance public services, I think that proper funding for arts sector is also crucial for a society. On the one hand, a significant part of financial budget should be allocated for the public services. Because of considerable aspects to ensure the quality of life that some basic needs such as schools, hospitals and roads are available for the citizens of the country despite their economic level. For example, a society can survive without music concerts, but the absence of medicine can create serious problems. Governments, therefore, should provide priority to adequately finance public services. On the other hand, arts, music and theatre are also not a waste of money, since they are an integral part of a society’s intellectual development and amusement. Artistic sculptures created over the time assist us to remember our cultural background. The stories re-enacted in theatres enable us to revive the history or to feel the emotions of an artist by connecting us with him/her emotionally at a subconscious level. Music types, furthermore, whether they are traditional folk or modern pop, provide people a relaxing environment and entertainments. Thus, art sector is also important for the society and cannot be neglected. In conclusion, though I agree that the government should allocate a large amount of money for such urgent needs of a society, I think that arts, music, and theatre should also be financed because they play a pivotal role in people’s development and relaxation.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend a huge amount of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
rather
than allocating budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that proper funding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
sector is
also
crucial for a society.

On the one hand, a significant part of financial budget should
be allocated
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of considerable aspects to ensure the quality of life that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic needs such as schools, hospitals and roads are available for the citizens of the country despite their economic level.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can survive without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
concerts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the absence of medicine can create serious problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
,
therefore
, should provide priority to
adequately
finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are
also
not a waste of money, since they are an integral part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society’s
intellectual development and amusement. Artistic sculptures created over the time assist us to remember our cultural background. The stories re-enacted in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
enable us to revive the history or to feel the emotions of an artist by connecting us with him/her
emotionally
at a subconscious level.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
types,
furthermore
, whether they are traditional folk or modern pop, provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
a relaxing environment and entertainments.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and cannot
be neglected
.

In conclusion
, though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate a large amount of money for such urgent needs of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
should
also
be financed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they play a pivotal role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s development and relaxation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 9. Describe a social or politics celebration event in your culture. Specificexamples and details are necessary in your statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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