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73. s2. Should employees be required to wear suits in the workplace, or should they wear casual clothes? v.1

73. s2. Should employees be required to wear suits in the workplace, or should they wear casual clothes? v. 1
In a few countries, teenage people are motivated to work and move in a year, finishing high school and begins the university study. Yes, it is a fact, selecting a right career pathway is crucial for the youth's future when they graduate from high school. Firstly, Some youngsters prefer to travel around the world after finishing their high school. While, some prefer to work and gain knowledge and earn some money for their higher studies. The majority of them may have limited knowledge about working industries or lack of self-awareness; therefore, it may be a challenge for them to select a proper major that they are interested. For instance, one-year travelling and working experiences will expand their horizontal knowledge and learn more about themselves. Moreover, the youth may mature enough to select their careers to pursue. However, some new graduates pursue higher studies right after high school. Also, they believe that travelling and working is a waste of time if they decided to complete their study they should stick to it. Therefore, travelling may increase the risk for the teenagers to nurture bad habits like smoking, drinking, drugs, and so on. Even more, working in labour jobs will not benefit their personal developments and some of them perhaps never back to colleges again. Directly pursuing university education will assist students to stay concentration in their academic study. In conclusion, I personally believe that they should make a serious decision after consulting their parents or mentors. Travelling around and working may not be suitable for all students due to the above reasons. However, pursuing advanced academic educations in universities play a significant role in students' future life.
In a few countries, teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are motivated
to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in a year, finishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Yes, it is a fact, selecting a right career pathway is crucial for the youth's future when they graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
youngsters prefer to travel around the world after finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to work and gain knowledge and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. The majority of them may have limited knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
industries or lack of self-awareness;
therefore
, it may be a challenge for them to select a proper major that they
are interested
.
For instance
, one-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experiences will expand their horizontal knowledge and learn more about themselves.
Moreover
, the youth may mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to select their careers to pursue.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new graduates pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
right after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school.
Also
, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is a waste of time if they decided to complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
they should stick to it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
may increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to nurture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking, drinking, drugs, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Even more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
jobs will not benefit their personal developments and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them perhaps never back to colleges again.
Directly
pursuing university education will assist students to stay concentration in their academic study.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a serious decision after consulting their parents or mentors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
around and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
may not be suitable for all students due to the above reasons.
However
, pursuing advanced academic educations in universities play a significant role in students' future life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 73. s2. Should employees be required to wear suits in the workplace, or should they wear casual clothes? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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