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Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your v.1

Question: People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your v. 1
These days, people are gradually ageing and they live happier than previous years because medical care is improving rapidly in many countries. In this essay, I will discuss some of the benefits and drawbacks. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of improving medical care is that people who have received medical care feel more happy, which means for such people, the last period of their time might change to be the most contented period time of their life. Secondly, they have the opportunity to spend more time with their family and friends. It can be seen that they might have stable family and friend's circumstances. Turning to the other side of the argument, which leads to lack of money for the government. Their the ability, mobility and their health will inevitably decline, no matter how conscientiously person is. It results in government might face to give their retirement money, but not all countries have the ability to give money to retired people. For instance, In Mongolia, even though only 20 percent of the population is retired people, the government cannot afford their retirement money due to the economic downturn. Another disadvantage is that most people try to live longer. It seems to me that in most countries face to overpopulation, which are ageing consistently in some ways. By this I mean, the number of retired people are gradually growing while the number of young people is declining. It might insignificantly affect on the development of most countries. To conclude, there are both benefits and drawbacks. Personally, I believe that people should receive medical service to live longer and happier.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
gradually
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ageing and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happier than previous years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care is improving
rapidly
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. In this essay, I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
benefits and drawbacks.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the advantages of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care feel more happy, which means for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the last period of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to be the most contented period time of their life.
Secondly
, they have the opportunity to spend more time with their family and friends. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have stable family and friend's circumstances.

Turning to the other side of the argument, which leads to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Their the ability, mobility and their health will
inevitably
decline, no matter how
conscientiously
person is. It results in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
face to give their retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all countries have the ability to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, In Mongolia,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20 percent of the population
is retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot afford their retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to the economic downturn. Another disadvantage is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer. It seems to me that in most countries face to overpopulation, which are
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
consistently
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways. By this I mean, the number of retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
gradually
growing while the number of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is declining. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
insignificantly
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the development of most countries.

To conclude
, there are both benefits and drawbacks.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
service to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and happier.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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