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The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in the 1980s and the 1990s. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changes which occurred. v.1

The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in the 1980s and the 1990s. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changes which occurred. v. 1
In our modernized world, travelling plays a crucial role in the economy of a country. However, it becomes a major issue when some suggest that governments should charge more on foreign travellers than locals if they will visit different attractions of a country and I partly agree this idea. First and foremost, an economy of a country mainly relies on travelling. If the government should charge more on foreign visitors, it will probably affect the income from travelling because we might lose many visitors. Besides, it can also influence on local business. For example, if there are only a few visitors in cultural and tourist attractions, the local people will also lose their profits. Moreover, many foreign travellers will have a burden when the expenditure on travelling is increased. Then, the image of that country will diminish. Last but not least, there should be nationality rights for every citizen whenever they visit to any attraction in their countries. Many citizens think that they should pay a lower price than foreigners and if they do not get this opportunity, there will be a crisis between governments and citizens. In addition, although there are many countries that charging more money from foreigners, they are still visiting to these countries like Singapore, because of its worth-sightseeing. To conclude, I believe that charging more money on foreign visitors will not bring a huge problem for them and travelling of foreigners will continue during these decades.
In our modernized world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
plays a crucial role in the economy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, it becomes a major issue when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should charge more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
than locals if they will visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attractions of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

First
and foremost, an economy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
mainly
relies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should charge more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, it will
probably
affect the income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we might lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
Besides
, it can
also
influence on local business.
For example
, if there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in cultural and tourist attractions, the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
also
lose their profits.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
will have a burden when the expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is increased
. Then, the image of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will diminish.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, there should be nationality rights for every citizen whenever they visit to any attraction in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should pay a lower price than foreigners and if they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this opportunity, there will be a crisis between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and citizens.
In addition
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that charging more money from foreigners, they are
still
visiting to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Singapore,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its worth-sightseeing.

To conclude
, I believe that charging more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will not bring a huge problem for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
of foreigners will continue during these decades.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in the 1980s and the 1990s. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changes which occurred. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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