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160. When seeking advice, some say it is most important to talk to your parents. Conversely, others claim that you should consult close friends. Which opinion do you agree with more and why? v.1

160. When seeking advice, some say it is most important to talk to your parents. Conversely, others claim that you should consult close friends. Which opinion do you agree with more and why? v. 1
To start with the quote "Health is wealth". Without it, All things see to be ugly and bad. The main disadvantage of put old people into old houses is that they feel alone at that stage. The demerit is that the family fails to learn the experience from such type of people. But some argue that it is favourable for elder people to send them in such type of homes. This essay will explore how these two mega disadvantages can outweigh any advantage. Firstly, These kinds of people are considered as a precious element. One of the main edge of such public is how to tackle the problems of life and how to solve it. As they spend all the life that is full of such issues so they help us in difficult condition. For Example, A Survey conducted by State California University revealed that about 71% of the World population think that the behaviour involvement with such human being should be patience. Hence, The demand of keeping these public at home immensely increased the last decade. This mega disadvantage can undermine any disadvantage. Secondly, By sending this valuable public to NGO centre not only spreads poisoning Town. But also split the heart of society. As they donate all the basic aspects to provide all the facilities to their Families. But at the end they Make lame excuses and not remember the kindness of love of such precious folk. For instance, A Report Published in DAWN news revealed that about 76% of world population perform such type of act. Thus, it is very heart breaking act. Finally, The biggest advantage is that the no need to do extra work for aged people. One this problem can be solved by government to make the rules that beneficial to these peoples. To Sum up, they are the most dearest to all over the world. Everyone should take care of their relation socially and practically.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the quote
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Health is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Without it, All things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
to be ugly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. The main disadvantage of put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
is that they feel alone at that stage. The demerit is that the family fails to learn the experience from such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them in such type of homes. This essay will explore how these two mega disadvantages can outweigh any advantage.

Firstly
, These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
as a precious element. One of the main edge of such public is how to tackle the problems of life and how to solve it. As they spend all the life
that is
full of such issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in difficult condition.
For Example
, A Survey conducted by State California University revealed that about 71% of the World population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
involvement with such human being should be patience.
Hence
, The demand of keeping these public at home
immensely
increased the last decade. This mega disadvantage can undermine any disadvantage.

Secondly
, By sending this valuable public to NGO
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spreads poisoning Town.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
split the heart of society.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
they donate all the basic aspects to provide all the facilities to their Families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
lame excuses and not remember the kindness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of such precious folk.
For instance
, A Report Published in DAWN news revealed that about 76% of world population perform such type of act.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled as one.
heart breaking
act.

Finally
, The biggest advantage is that the no need to do extra work for aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. One this problem can
be solved
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that beneficial to these peoples.

To Sum up, they are the
Use only "dearest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most dearest
to all over the world. Everyone should take care of their relation
socially
and
practically
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay 160. When seeking advice, some say it is most important to talk to your parents. Conversely, others claim that you should consult close friends. Which opinion do you agree with more and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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