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63. Some believe that a city should keep its old buildings. Others think somenew buildings are needed to replace the old buildings. What’s your opinion? Explain why. v.1

63. Some believe that a city should keep its old buildings. Others think somenew buildings are needed to replace the old buildings. What’s your opinion? Explain why. v. 1
Nowadays, modernisation is one of the main reasons that is causing the loss of traditions. Owing to this fact, it is essential to emphasise the significance of traditions and what we have to do to keep them alive despite modernisation. To begin with, Keeping traditions alive is vital for teaching the next generation about a particular or shared past. This knowledge of traditions gives the children a positive emotional development and enhance their sense of identity and belonging. According to University of California study, retaining traditions can help young people in establishing a strong identity which allows them to be mentally stable. In other words, traditions aid to tether learning individual to their and place of origin; giving them a sense of security and continuity from one year tot thew next. There are to methods that we can use to retain traditions which are education and media. First, the appreciation of customs should be communicated through an integrated educational approach. In other words, sustainability in the preservation of cultural heritage through education should be encouraged. If the ministry of education promoted tradition events such as Eid-Elfitr at schools, this might serve as an excellent learning experience for the students. Second, digital storage has played an enormous role in the preservation of traditions; It has enabled the sharing of cultural heritage and historical traditions around the world. Digital storage is not only the most popular method for keeping traditions alive but also the trend for the future. In conclusion, traditions are essential key-tools in securing children's sense of identity, as well as educating them about the past. In order to keep them alive, we can use the education system and the media to increase knowledge and awareness about traditions.
Nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
is one of the main reasons
that is
causing the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. Owing to this fact, it is essential to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
the significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and what we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
despite
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
is vital for teaching the
next
generation about a particular or shared past. This knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
gives the children a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotional development and enhance their sense of identity and belonging. According to University of California study, retaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in establishing a strong identity which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be mentally stable.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
aid to tether learning individual to their and place of origin; giving them a sense of security and continuity from one year tot thew
next
.

There are to methods that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to retain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and media.
First
, the appreciation of customs should
be communicated
through an integrated educational approach.
In other words
, sustainability in the preservation of cultural heritage through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be encouraged
. If the ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
promoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eid-Elfitr
at schools, this might serve as an excellent learning experience for the students. Second, digital storage has played an enormous role in the preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
; It has enabled the sharing of cultural heritage and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
around the world. Digital storage is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the most popular method for keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the trend for the future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are essential key-tools in securing children's sense of identity,
as well
as educating them about the past. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alive
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system and the media to increase knowledge and awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 63. Some believe that a city should keep its old buildings. Others think somenew buildings are needed to replace the old buildings. What’s your opinion? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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