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Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
Owing to the hazard experienced by citizens in the world, due to the rise in the numbers of vehicles in the metropolis, a quantum of places have decided to restrict these cars from the major places in the city. In my opinion, I strongly agree that restrictions by enforced so that heavy traffic can reduce and health challenges can be curbed. Firstly, the ban on cars will cause a decrease in health and environmental challenges. In other words, the poisonous gas emitted from these cars will reduce, leading to protection of ozone layer, low cases of lung cancer and likely diseases. For instance, the National Environmental Agency in Ghana, reported that the volume if Carbon monoxide in the atmosphere has reduced from 70% in 2006 to 30% in 2010, when the government made a rule to address the private drivers. Another point to consider, is the fact that this law will ease movement. That is, people can get to their destinations easily and quickly because the amount of cars on the roads would have dropped. Consequently, there will be no gridlock and the havoc caused by this will be prevented. Problems such as missing appointments, losing businesses, tiredness and excess fund on fuel will all be halted. For example, after the embargo in the USA on own drivers in the cities, the citizens said they are better and get commendations from their employers for punctuality. In conclusion, the rule against private drivers on major roads will be effective in reducing health and environmental issues and improving movements.
Owing to the hazard experienced by citizens in the world, due to the rise in the numbers of vehicles in the metropolis, a quantum of places
Possible agreement error
have
decided to restrict these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
from the major places in the city. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that restrictions by enforced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that heavy traffic can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and health challenges can
be curbed
.

Firstly
, the ban on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will cause a decrease in health and environmental challenges.
In other words
, the poisonous gas emitted from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
, leading to protection of ozone layer, low cases of lung cancer and likely diseases.
For instance
, the National Environmental Agency in Ghana, reported that the volume if Carbon monoxide in the atmosphere has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from 70% in 2006 to 30% in 2010, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to address the private drivers.

Another point to consider, is the fact that this law will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
movement.
That is
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to their destinations
easily
and
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the roads would have dropped.
Consequently
, there will be no gridlock and the havoc caused by this will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
. Problems such as missing appointments, losing businesses, tiredness and excess fund on fuel will all
be halted
.
For example
, after the embargo in the USA on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drivers in the cities, the citizens said they are better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
commendations from their employers for punctuality.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
against private drivers on major roads will be effective in reducing health and environmental issues and improving movements.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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