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Do you agree or disagree? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. v.60

Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. v. 60
Recently, the debate whether our genetic characteristics influence our personality more or the experience that we have been through has caused a ruckus among myriads of scientists. In my opinion, I acquiesce that they both impacts our personality and how we react. There is a vast plethora of biological proofs that the characteristics we were born with, have a major impact. It is stated that not only does it affect our development, but it also influences our personality and reactions. For example, a kid who has a nervous parent may naturally react more violently and aggressively than a kid who has calmer parents if they were both put in the same situation. Although there are many techniques to change this unwanted genetic characteristics, they will also remain affecting their reactions in various situations. Despite the obvious researches that illustrates that these characteristics since our birth is the major influence, one cannot turn a blind eye that the experiences we may have in our life obviously change our character. First and foremost, a person who is outgoing and socially, will be more likely able to speak publicly and has an immediate capability of responding quickly compared to others. For example, if someone passed through many harsh situations, this will definitely have an effect on him/her. In conclusion, I have a resolute unwavering advocate that they both have an equal impact on us; however the experiences we pass through may have a slightly bigger influence on how we think, because I can change a genetic adjective by working on it until it no longer exists. Taking all points into consideration, I adamantly claim that the way of thinking is the bedrock of our SUCCESS that is why we should focus on how we react and talk with others.
Recently, the debate whether our genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
our personality more or the experience that we have been through has caused a ruckus among myriads of scientists. In my opinion, I acquiesce that they both impacts our personality and how we react.

There is a vast plethora of biological proofs that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
we
were born
with, have a major impact. It
is stated
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it affect our development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influences
our personality and reactions.
For example
, a kid who has a nervous parent may
naturally
react more
violently
and
aggressively
than a kid who has calmer parents if they were both put in the same situation. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
techniques to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this unwanted genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
, they will
also
remain affecting their reactions in various situations.

Despite the obvious researches that illustrates that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
since our birth is the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
, one cannot turn a blind eye that the experiences we may have in our life
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our character.
First
and foremost, a person who is outgoing and
socially
, will be more likely able to speak
publicly
and has an immediate capability of responding
quickly
compared to others.
For example
, if someone passed through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harsh situations, this will definitely have an effect on him/her.

In conclusion
, I have a resolute unwavering advocate that they both have an equal impact on us;
however
the experiences we pass through may have a
slightly
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a genetic adjective by working on it until it no longer exists. Taking all points into consideration, I
adamantly
claim that the way of thinking is the bedrock of our SUCCESS
that is
why we should focus on how we react and talk with others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. v. 60

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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