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5. Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

5. Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians or plumbers. v. 2
Nowadays, an increasing number people are concerned about students who graduated high school should do vocational training more go to higher education such as university or college, the simple reason that there is a shortage of consummate workers as electricians or plumbers at the moment. This essay will give an insight into the opinion. One the one hand, due to the booming of technology, someone thinks that the pupils graduated high school needs to go to university or college for academic study. The reason that after graduated higher education, they will become higher workers like energies or architects. This thing has meant that they will help development their country. Moreover, excellent students can have scholarly and they go to oversea. After that, they come back their country and make it to development country. Meanwhile, students do not like become a electricians or plumbers because they are blue-collar workers who are not officers and they must be face to dangerous in their work. On the other hand, in some underdevelopment areas, the local people do not have enough money for children go to higher education. This is the reason why people in this area who has a trend that does vocational training. Firstly, people in poor areas do not have financial and the tuition in university or college is higher more training school and they might be having a chance to change their life. Secondly, there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers and they never face to unemployment after they graduated. They might be having a job after graduation. In conclusion, I do not completely that people should be encouraged to go to training school to become workers such as electricians or plumbers because students can choose their life and social must respect their decided.
Nowadays, an increasing number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should do vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
more go to higher education such as university or college, the simple reason that there is a shortage of consummate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
as electricians or plumbers at the moment. This essay will give an insight into the opinion.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, due to the booming of technology, someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that the pupils
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
needs to go to university or college for academic study. The reason that after graduated higher education, they will become higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
like energies or architects. This thing has meant that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
development their country.
Moreover
, excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
scholarly and
they go to oversea. After that, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back their country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it to development country. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not like become
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a electrician" or simply "electricians"?
a electricians
or plumbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who are not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
officers and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using a past participle here: "faced".
face
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in their work.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
underdevelopment areas, the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for children go to higher education. This is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this area who has a trend that does vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in poor areas do not have financial and the tuition in university or college is higher more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they might be having a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
.
Secondly
, there is a lack of qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
such as electricians and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
plumbers and
they never face to unemployment after they graduated. They might be having a job after graduation.

In conclusion
, I do not completely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
such as electricians or plumbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can choose their life and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect their decided.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay 5. Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians or plumbers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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