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shopping is one of the most popular form of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v.2

shopping is one of the most popular form of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 2
These days, especially youngsters, find shopping as an appealing spare-time activity. In my viewpoint, it is effective development as it significantly contributes to the economic growth of a country through revenue generation and advertisement. To embark with, in recent years, because of globalization, a vast variety of consumer goods such as flagship mobile phones, branded clothes and perfumes are available in the markets. This has increased the proportion of young people spending major portion of their time shopping. Since tax is included in the price of every product, the more people shop, the more is the government’s income. The fund then can be allocated to build infrastructures, such as roads and tourist resorts, to attract foreigners. As a result, additional money can be earned and make a nation financially and economically stronger. Moreover, attractive discounts and seasonal offers in many outlets and shopping malls, especially during winter and summer holidays, entice young ones to purchase products. These not only assist companies finish their existing stock and add new products but also give an opportunity for people to save money on expensive items. For instance, last month I purchased Levis jeans worth 100 dollars at a 50 discount. I could never have purchased this product at its normal price. Thus, sales increases a company’s revenue and productivity which, in turn, raise the GDP of the country. In conclusion, young adults spare their leisure time in shopping and, in my opinion, this has a positive impact on financial progress of country since it helps the government to generate revenue and increase the output by advertising campaign.
These days,
especially
youngsters, find
shopping
as an appealing spare-time activity. In my viewpoint, it is effective development as it
significantly
contributes to the economic growth of a country through revenue generation and advertisement.

To embark with, in recent years,
because
of globalization, a vast variety of consumer
goods
such as flagship mobile phones, branded clothes and perfumes are available in the markets. This has increased the proportion of young
people
spending major portion of their time
shopping
. Since tax
is included
in the price of every
product
, the more
people
shop, the more is the
government
’s income. The fund then can
be allocated
to build infrastructures, such as roads and tourist resorts, to attract foreigners.
As a result
, additional money can
be earned
and
make
a nation
financially
and
economically
stronger.

Moreover
, attractive discounts and seasonal offers in
many
outlets and
shopping
malls,
especially
during winter and summer holidays, entice young ones to
purchase
products
. These not
only
assist
companies
finish their existing stock and
add
new
products
but
also
give an opportunity for
people
to save money on expensive items.
For instance
, last month I
purchased
Levis jeans worth 100 dollars at a 50 discount. I could never have
purchased
this
product
at its normal price.
Thus
, sales increases a
company
’s revenue and productivity which, in turn, raise the GDP of the country.

In conclusion
, young adults spare their leisure time in
shopping
and, in my opinion, this has a
positive
impact on financial progress of country since it
helps
the
government
to generate revenue and increase the output by advertising campaign.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS essay shopping is one of the most popular form of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. Why this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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