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594 describe an interesting hobbyyou should saywhat it iswhat kind of people do ithow it is doneand explain why you think it is interesting v.1

594 describe an interesting hobbyyou should saywhat it iswhat kind of people do ithow it is doneand explain why you think it is interesting v. 1
Every single person in life needs to pass through teenage and adultery years and all the moments have its own memories. Some people believe that the teenage years are the happiest part of people's life, however naysayers say that adultery is better. I, personally, do believe that the teenage years will be the happiest part of everyone's life. First of all, teenage years are the times have a plenty of memories that one will never forget. Especially me, I have a great teenage time throughout with my family, friends as well as my neighbour. Every day, I would just enjoy studying and playing around without any worries. After a tired day in school with all the subjects and peer pressure, I could enjoy playing, hanging out and chatting with my friends. In school and at home, I did not have too much pressure when I was a teenager. Moreover, I am also not thinking about the financial problems yet, the fees in school and outdoor activities. I did not need to care about because my parents have the responsibility to do that. In addition, the importance has been you just can do all the things within the protect of your parents. Nevertheless, since the teenage years have gone, you will become an adult and needed to take care all the things in life by yourself. At that moment, you will face with all problems in life which you have to solve by yourself without any helping hands. For the moment you become an adult, you are now not just only taking care for yourself but others too, such as your parents and your own family. You are now having financial problem, peer pressure as well as finding a good job to balance your life's financial. Some people have said to me that it is hard to become an adult as if you become an adult, you have to be strong in mental and physical as well because no one could protect you like when you were a teenager. It is the problems when you become an adult, by yourself, you have to decide correctly the way you go without anyone guiding. In conclusions, if you are teenagers or adults will be fine as long as you are strong to protect yourself and avoid all dangerous. However, I would stay strong with my stand that teenage years are the happiness part in people's life.
Every single person in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
needs to pass through teenage and adultery years and all the moments have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
memories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the teenage years are the happiest part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
however
naysayers say that adultery is better. I,
personally
, do believe that the teenage years will be the happiest part of everyone's life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, teenage years are the times have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of memories that one will never forget.
Especially
me, I have a great teenage time throughout with my family, friends
as well
as my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
. Every day, I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoy studying and playing around without any worries. After a tired day in school with all the subjects and peer pressure, I could enjoy playing, hanging out and chatting with my friends. In school and at home, I did not have too much pressure when I was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.
Moreover
, I am
also
not thinking about the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
yet
, the fees in school and outdoor activities. I did not need to care about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my parents have the responsibility to do that.
In addition
, the importance has been you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can do all the things within
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'protect' is correct. If 'protect' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the protect
of your parents.

Nevertheless
, since the teenage years have gone, you will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an adult and needed to take care all the things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by yourself. At that moment, you will face with all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
solve by yourself without any helping hands. For the moment you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an adult, you are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
taking care for yourself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others too, such as your parents and your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family. You are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
having financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, peer pressure
as well
as finding a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job to balance your life's financial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have said to me that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an adult as if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an adult, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be strong in mental and physical
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one could protect you like when you were a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an adult, by yourself, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decide
correctly
the way you go without anyone guiding.

In conclusions, if you are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will be fine as long as you are strong to protect yourself and avoid all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
However
, I would stay strong with my stand that teenage years are the happiness part in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay 594 describe an interesting hobbyyou should saywhat it iswhat kind of people do ithow it is doneand explain why you think it is interesting v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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