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1615 second Describe a radio program you enjoy listening toYou should sayWhat the program isWhen and where you listen to itHow often you listen to itAnd explain why you think it is interesting v.1

1615 second Describe a radio program you enjoy listening toYou should sayWhat the program isWhen and where you listen to itHow often you listen to itAnd explain why you think it is interesting v. 1
There has been an increasing debate as to whether governments should fund school sports or big public sports events. While I agree it is beneficial to support in-school sports events, I would argue that more resources should be given to organizing large public events, which would have an overall wider positive effect. It is certainly necessary to sponsor school activities. If financial support was given to schools, more students would be encouraged to participate in outdoor activities, such as footballs, basketballs, badminton, and swimming. Children would become more dynamic and feel less stressed, which would decrease their possibility of getting anxiety and depression, and that results in better physical and mental health. Furthermore, by increasing the awareness of physical activities, a student is more likely to grow into an active person when he or she reaches adulthood. However, governments’ support for professional sports and arts events would have a long-lasting positive effect on society. By organizing large international events, such as the Olympic Games, more foreign sponsors and investment would be attracted, which creates more job opportunities for the local community. Besides, events or art performances that are broadcasted to a larger audience would have its educational function. With the help of government support, national performing arts such as Chinese opera would have a greater chance to gain international recognition and enable people to understand more about traditional Chinese culture. That leads to better intercultural appreciation and more cross-cultural communication. In conclusion, governments should allocate some money on supporting students’ events. However, when it comes to boosting the local economy and increasing a country’s international image, more financial support should be given to larger international events.
There has been an increasing debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should fund school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
in-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, I would argue that more resources should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to organizing large public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, which would have an
overall
wider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect.

It is
certainly
necessary to sponsor school activities. If financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to schools, more students would
be encouraged
to participate in outdoor activities, such as footballs, basketballs, badminton, and swimming. Children would become more dynamic and feel less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, which would decrease their possibility of getting anxiety and depression, and that results in better physical and mental health.
Furthermore
, by increasing the awareness of physical activities, a student is more likely to grow into an active person when he or she reaches adulthood.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
would have a long-lasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on society. By organizing large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, such as the Olympic Games, more foreign sponsors and investment would
be attracted
, which creates more job opportunities for the local community.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
or art performances that
are broadcasted
to a larger audience would have its educational function. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, national performing arts such as Chinese opera would have a greater chance to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
recognition and enable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to understand more about traditional Chinese culture. That leads to better intercultural appreciation and more cross-cultural communication.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money on supporting students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to boosting the local economy and increasing a country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
image, more financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1615 second Describe a radio program you enjoy listening toYou should sayWhat the program isWhen and where you listen to itHow often you listen to itAnd explain why you think it is interesting v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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