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558 do you think a society can benefit if its members have experience of travelling to other countries? In what ways? v.1

558 do you think a society can benefit if its members have experience of travelling to other countries? In what ways? v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that this technological world, the user of the mobile phones among people rapidly increasing. Some people assert that a Cell is only useful for business purpose, whereas others think that it is beneficial for everyone. In my opinion, both statements are true and in this essay, I intend to discuss both views before conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why the phones are helpful for the businessman. Firstly, with the help of smartphones, folks can send official documents through emails, instead of using traditional letter methods which takes 2-3 business days. For an example, as technology develops, there are lots of industrial applications in the smartphones. Because of this, designer able to develop or rectify design as per their requirements, rather than using desktop. On the flip side, the mobiles can also provide lots of fun stuff such as playing music, games and most important thing that is the GPS system. Moreover, the GPS system in the smart-cell helps to find out the easiest way, while travelling. According to research, experts found that 90 percent of the world population uses GPS. Furthermore, the digital-phones always sort out my problems in different ways, such as educational books, and it is more convenient for me to use scientific calculator during office work. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that having a smart-mobile is more benefit for official or personal way. It depends on person to person, which way they use on a daily basis.
It is an irrefutable fact that this technological world, the user of the mobile phones among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rapidly
increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that a Cell is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
useful for business purpose, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is beneficial for everyone. In my opinion, both statements are true and in this essay, I intend to discuss both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why the phones are helpful for the businessman.
Firstly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of smartphones, folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
official documents through emails,
instead
of using traditional letter methods which takes 2-3 business days. For an example, as technology develops, there are lots of industrial applications in the smartphones.
Because of this
, designer able to develop or rectify design as per their requirements,
rather
than using desktop.

On the flip side, the mobiles can
also
provide lots of fun stuff such as playing music, games and most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing
that is
the GPS system.
Moreover
, the GPS system in the smart-cell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to find out the easiest way, while travelling. According to research, experts found that 90 percent of the world population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
GPS.

Furthermore
, the digital-phones always sort out my problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, such as educational books, and it is more convenient for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
scientific calculator during office work.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that having a smart-mobile is more benefit for official or personal way. It depends on person to person, which way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on a daily basis.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay 558 do you think a society can benefit if its members have experience of travelling to other countries? In what ways? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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