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Some people believe that unpaid community service be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children)To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that unpaid community service be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) v. 1
It is a well known fact that the industry is important for every human being. Some people think that it is better for children to do paid trial in the early age, whereas others believe that it is dangerous for the heart of children. I will discuss both the advantages as well as disadvantages in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark with, how it is beneficial for children if they do paid production. First and foremost point is the experience. In the modern era, all the works become more difficult to do, if the children do a performance in their early age, then they get more knowledge and experience about that performance and do face any kind of difficulty in their future activity. Moreover, the other benefit is that they know about the value of money, if they do pay the effort, then they know earn money is only by doing hard endeavour. On the other hand, there are some negative effects of doing paid effort by children. Firstly, science plays a very important role in the soul of children, if they do training, then they do the task because in these days, mostly all the works are based on information, if children do not do discipline, then they are known as uneducated in the world, that is why children do scholarship first then do the work. Secondly, paid industry is very harmful for the soul of children, sometime children do tasks in an iron factory, suddenly part of their body cut by heavy machines with this they become handicapped in their growth and nothing to do else. To conclude, I think that, paid job is very important for every person, but it should also have an age limit to do that task.
It is a well known fact that the industry is
important
for every human being.
Some
people
think
that it is better for
children
to do
paid
trial in the early age, whereas others believe that it is
dangerous
for the heart of
children
. I will discuss both the advantages
as well as
disadvantages in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark with, how it is beneficial for
children
if they do
paid
production.
First
and foremost point is the experience. In the modern era, all the works become more difficult to do, if the
children
do a performance in their early age, then they
get
more knowledge and experience about that performance and do face any kind of difficulty in their future activity.
Moreover
, the other benefit is that they know about the value of money, if they do pay the effort, then they know earn money is
only
by doing
hard
endeavour
.

On the other hand
, there are
some
negative
effects of doing
paid
effort by
children
.
Firstly
, science plays a
very
important
role in the soul of
children
, if they do training, then they do the task
because
in these days,
mostly
all the works
are based
on information, if
children
do not do discipline, then they
are known
as uneducated in the world,
that is
why
children
do scholarship
first
then do the work.
Secondly
,
paid
industry is
very
harmful for the soul of
children
, sometime
children
do tasks in an iron factory,
suddenly
part of their body
cut
by heavy machines with this they become handicapped in their growth and nothing to do else.

To conclude
, I
think
that,
paid
job is
very
important
for every person,
but
it should
also
have an age limit to do that task.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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