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22. Who is the person you admire the most? Please give specific details andexamples in your explanation. v.1

22. Who is the person you admire the most? Please give specific details andexamples in your explanation. v. 1
Today, people confront many environmental issues, and they have different views about them. While some people think that the extinction of some types of plants and animals is the most threatening problem, I believe that climate change and pollution can be more serious issues. The loss of biodiversity is considered to be the most dangerous problem as it has several negative sides. Some kinds of animals and plants that are becoming extinct play significant roles in the food chain, making this situation harmful to other species as well. Wild animals, for instance, may lose the source of food, and in turn, be under the danger of extinction if little animals that are hunted by them die out. Moreover, this situation might result in malnutrition among people since they consume some of those endangered species. However, other environmental problems, such as climate change and pollution, can be by far more disastrous. As a consequence of air pollution, water pollution, and waste products, many people are suffering from several diseases related to them. In Beijing, where these issues are real difficulties, even some people are dying from them. Furthermore, widespread deforestation and exhausting fossil fuels have been contributing to climate change. As a result, not only can rising sea levels that are derived from global warming be a disastrous issue for coastal areas, but also heat waves may kill too many people, especially in equatorial countries like India. In conclusion, although all environmental challenges are problematic, I think that climate change and pollution should be dealt with urgently since they can even cause the loss of some species of flora and fauna.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
confront
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
environmental issues, and they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about them. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is the most threatening problem, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
can be more serious issues.

The loss of biodiversity
is considered
to be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
problem as it has several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and plants that are becoming extinct play significant roles in the food chain, making this situation harmful to other species
as well
. Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
for instance
, may lose the source of food, and in turn, be under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of extinction if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that
are hunted
by them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out.
Moreover
, this situation might result in malnutrition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since they consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of those endangered species.

However
, other environmental problems, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, can be by far more disastrous. As a consequence of air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, and waste products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from several diseases related to them. In Beijing, where these issues are real difficulties, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying from them.
Furthermore
, widespread deforestation and exhausting fossil fuels have been contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can rising sea levels that
are derived
from global warming be a disastrous issue for coastal areas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
heat waves may kill too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in equatorial countries like India.

In conclusion
, although all environmental challenges are problematic, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
should
be dealt
with
urgently
since they can even cause the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species of flora and fauna.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 22. Who is the person you admire the most? Please give specific details andexamples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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