Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20 24 in one European country over a two year period Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant Write at least 150 word v.1

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20 24 in one European country over a two year period
The desire to visit a foreign nation would be a dream to many individuals dwelling on this planet, but certain restrictions imposed on tourists prevent these from happening. A part of the population believes that the tourists should follow the traditions of the visiting state. Whereas, the rest of the society argues that the welcoming nation should accept various behaviours and customs. On the one hand, tourism is one of the major sources of the nation’s income as some nations depend on it due to their lower productivity. Therefore, imposing rules on visitors would make them to shift their travel to other states with flexible authorities. For instance, Srilanka was selected as the best tourist destination in 2019 and the obvious reason for this achievement is the acceptance of various cultural diversity. Moreover, each culture has its own history and valuable elements which could be used to mould the existing local traditions. A salient example of this is Dubai as it has adopted both the western cultures and the Arabian traditions and this action has made it as a wealthy country among the middle east. In contrast, the local governments and ordinary people would be keen on preserving the uniqueness of their own customs as it represents their identity. In addition, the tourists might have unhealthy habits which would affect the society of some countries. For example, India has not allowed women to purchase alcohols over the past decades, but the female foreigners are used to these kinds of unhealthy acts. In conclusion, even though a country focuses on maintaining the individuality of its traditions, accepting cultural variations would cause the state to prosper and attract more foreigners in the future is vital for the improvement of both the resident and the nation.
The desire to visit a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
would be a dream to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals dwelling on this planet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certain restrictions imposed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these from happening. A part of the population believes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of the visiting state. Whereas, the rest of the society argues that the welcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should accept various
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and customs.

On the one hand, tourism is one of the major sources of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
income as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
depend on it due to their lower productivity.
Therefore
, imposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on visitors would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to shift their travel to other states with flexible authorities.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Srilanka
was selected
as the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destination in 2019 and the obvious reason for this achievement is the acceptance of various cultural diversity.
Moreover
, each culture has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
history and valuable elements which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the existing local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. A salient example of this is Dubai as it has adopted both the western cultures and the Arabian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and this action has made it as a wealthy country among the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
.

In contrast
, the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be keen on preserving the uniqueness of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
customs as it represents their identity.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
might have unhealthy habits which would affect the society of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
For example
, India has not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
women to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
alcohols over the past decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the female foreigners are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to these kinds of unhealthy acts.

In conclusion
,
even though
a country focuses on maintaining the individuality of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, accepting cultural variations would cause the state to prosper and attract more foreigners in the future is vital for the improvement of both the resident and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates aged 20 24 in one European country over a two year period

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts