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In Some Areas Of The US, Teenagers Are Not Allowed To Be Out Of Door After A Particular Time Of Night | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample v.1

In Some Areas Of The US, Teenagers Are Not Allowed To Be Out Of Door After A Particular Time Of Night | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample v. 1
It is argued by some people that local literature is of greater importance in children’s education compared to foreign literature. From my perspective, I disagree with this view since both types of literature play equal roles in the development of children. On the one hand, locally written works come with numerous benefits to students. Firstly, these pieces of art can enrich student’s skills to use their own language. Indeed, through learning literature of their mother tongue, students can learn the art of using the language, such as the flexibility in the vocabulary highlights used, the syntax of sentences, different ways to convey ideas. Hence, linguistic knowledge will gradually be built up and benefit the students not only in their study but also in social communication. Secondly, national literary works to give students an insight into their own culture. For example, through traditional literature, namely fairy tales, legends and fables, students can become familiar with their traditions, native terms and also national values which have been passed down from generation to generation. As a result, they will naturally develop a sense of national identity and patriotism. On the other hand, studying foreign literature is also advantageous for the following reasons. To begin with, it gives learners opportunities to expand their horizons by showing them a bigger picture of the outside world. Having access to foreign historical events and cultures, commentaries on politics, society, and stereotypes in literature from countries abroad will foster students’ awareness of the diversity of the world. Additionally, the students will be equipped with a broader range of knowledge to help them be more prepared for the globalized world that we are living in today. To be more specific, the students will have a grasp of the culture of foreign countries and how to adapt themselves in terms of manners, customs or behaviours if they live in that new environment or dealing with foreigners. In conclusion, it seems to me that there is a need to teach both local and foreign literature at schools so that students can develop comprehensively.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is of greater importance in children’s education compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
. From my perspective, I disagree with this view since both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
play equal roles in the development of children.

On the one hand,
locally
written works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with numerous benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, these pieces of art can enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language.
Indeed
, through learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of their mother tongue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn the art of using the language, such as the
The word 'flexibility' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
flexibility
in the vocabulary highlights
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, the syntax of sentences,
The word 'different' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
different
ways to convey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
Hence
, linguistic knowledge will
gradually
be built
up and benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in social communication.
Secondly
, national literary works to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
an insight into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.
For example
, through traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
,
namely
fairy tales, legends and fables,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can become familiar with their traditions, native terms and
also
national values which have
been passed
down from generation to generation.
As a result
, they will
naturally
develop a sense of national identity and patriotism.

On the other hand
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is
also
advantageous for the following reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it gives learners opportunities to expand their horizons by showing them a bigger picture of the outside world. Having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and cultures, commentaries on politics, society, and stereotypes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
from countries abroad will foster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
awareness of the diversity of the world.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be equipped
with a broader range of knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them be more prepared for the globalized world that we are living in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. To be more specific, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have a grasp of the culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
countries and how to adapt themselves in terms of manners, customs or
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in that new environment or dealing with foreigners.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that there is a need to teach both local and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
at schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can develop
comprehensively
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In Some Areas Of The US, Teenagers Are Not Allowed To Be Out Of Door After A Particular Time Of Night | Band 8 IELTS Essay Sample v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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