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3)Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

3) Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Advertisements are an important tool in trade and business market, which can influence people’s choices and preferences when purchasing goods and services. Young children, however, should not be a target for such commercial disputes. I agree with the statement that advertisements directed toward young children should be forbidden. I feel this way for the following reasons. Firstly, small children are incapable to decide what is right or wrong, therefore, they are influenced in a bad way. They can develop poor eating habit and unhealthy lifestyle since advertisements usually stimulate these without concerns. For example, although nutritionists associations claim for a reduction in quantities of sugar and other noxious products in infant foods, the industry only concerns about how to enhance their profit and achieve more the child public. Secondly, the advertisements generate consumerist behavior in little children. They are influenced to want to have every toy that is shown on TV or the Internet, because every child they know, at school or other social communities, has that trendy toy. For instance, last year when I went to my nephew’s presentation at school every little girl was with a specific doll even though they were not to play with it. What this means is they require to show that they already have the trendy toy. Finally, although parents should decide what their children watch on TV and the Internet in addition to monitor them, usually the advertisements arise for children in a hidden manner. For example, the parents allow a child to watch a cartoon on the internet, surprisingly in the middle of the cartoon an advertisement emerges and parents even do not notice it. Moreover, during the infant content or programming, there are vast types of camouflaged publicity. To sum up, I undoubtedly agree with the statement that advertisements for small children should be prohibited. This is because they are too small to decide what is wrong and they are turned into consumerist people. Furthermore, they should be protected against such an ineffable commercial dispute that unfairly impairs their lives forever.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool in trade and business market, which can influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s choices and preferences when purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, should not be a target for such commercial disputes. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
directed toward young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be forbidden
. I feel this way for the following reasons.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are incapable to decide what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
therefore
, they
are influenced
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way. They can develop poor eating habit and unhealthy lifestyle since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
usually
stimulate these without concerns.
For example
, although nutritionists associations claim for a reduction in quantities of sugar and other noxious products in infant foods, the industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concerns about how to enhance their profit and achieve more the child public.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
generate consumerist behavior in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
are influenced
to want to have every toy that
is shown
on TV or the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every child they know, at school or other social communities, has that trendy toy.
For instance
, last year when I went to my nephew’s presentation at school every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl was with a specific doll
even though
they were not to play with it. What this means is they require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they already have the trendy toy.

Finally
, although parents should decide what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV and the Internet
in addition
to monitor them,
usually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
arise for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider replacing "in a hidden manner" with the adverb for "hidden"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a hidden manner
.
For example
, the parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a cartoon on the internet,
surprisingly
in the middle of the cartoon an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
emerges and parents even do not notice it.
Moreover
, during the infant content or programming, there are vast types of camouflaged publicity.

To sum up, I
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be prohibited
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
to decide what is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wrong and
they
are turned
into consumerist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, they should
be protected
against such an ineffable commercial dispute that
unfairly
impairs their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
forever.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay 3) Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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