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The chart above gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966 1986 and 2006 v.1

The chart above gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966 1986 and 2006 v. 1
Some people argue to spend fundings to make swift railways to link the cities, while others, are in favour of improving current public commuter services. In my opinion, other transportation mediums facilitate majorities of the population in any country as compared to trains so should be preferred to support financially. On one hand, railways seem to be a major medium of transport, either for people or goods and link the major cities, therefore faster trains will definitely provide quicker access to various destinations. Moreover, railways offer services to the majority of people in the big cities, hence reduces the burden on other travel channels, therefore contribute towards the reduction of pollution and crowded roads. Swift trains will reduce the travel time between various cities, hence will encourage more travellers to use this service which will raise the government funds by producing more money from train fares. On the other hand, other local transmission channels like buses and roads are being used by many people in both urban and rural areas so should be taken care for improvements. In many countries, for example, in India the majority of the population lives in rural areas so improving other transportation facilities except trains will benefit most of the people there. Additionally, railway tracks can not cover many parts of the country which are accessible by these mediums so strengthening them will improve the overall communication and will help the citizens. In conclusion, although faster railways can provide various benefits to the society, public transport ways other than railways facilitate more proportion of the population, hence should be supported financially for improvement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue to spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
swift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
to link the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, while others, are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
public commuter services. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
transportation mediums facilitate majorities of the population in any country as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
should
be preferred
to support
financially
.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
seem to be a major medium of transport, either for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and link the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
therefore
faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
will definitely provide quicker access to various destinations.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
offer services to the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
travel channels,
therefore
contribute towards the reduction of pollution and crowded roads. Swift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the travel time between various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
hence
will encourage more
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this service which will raise the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funds by producing more money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
fares.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
local transmission channels like buses and roads are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in both urban and rural areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
should
be taken
care for improvements. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
for example
, in India the majority of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in rural areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
transportation facilities except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
will benefit most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
can not cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the country which are accessible by these mediums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strengthening them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
overall
communication and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the citizens.

In conclusion
, although faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
can provide various benefits to the society, public transport ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
facilitate more proportion of the population,
hence
should
be supported
financially
for improvement.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart above gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966 1986 and 2006 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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