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36. S1: What do you think is the most important advancement over the past 20 years in your country? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why you think that is important. v.1

36. S1: What do you think is the most important advancement over the past 20 years in your country? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why you think that is important. v. 1
Migration to other countries is a common trend these days. Each day more and more people migrate to other countries, which has a significant impact on the society. This essay will first discuss why people are migrating and then elaborate the results associated with this problem, followed by a logical conclusion. Primarily, people from developing and underdeveloped countries migrate to developed nations for better education facilities for the children and high standard of living for the whole family. This can be exemplifies by a large number of Indians, who are migrating to Canada, for the sake of their better working arrangements and good quality of life. Another reason for such a trend is the lack of life security as a result of unstable political environment and wars, which compels people to move to safe countries where their life is protected. However, such a trend causes problems to both the immigrants and their destination country. Many a times, people fail to get jobs in immigrant country because of lack of language skills and adaptability reasons. Therefore, government has to take a responsibility of providing training facilities to help the new people adjust in a new country, which causes a burden on the financial resources of that particular nation. Moreover, immigration can also lead to overcrowding, which can restrict the government from providing basic amenities for their citizens. For instance, a huge burden on the Indian government to take care of the people from other countries is deprived of its citizens of their fundamental facilities. To conclude, while people move to other countries in search of educational and professional facilities, such a trend sometimes causes more problems than solutions. Hence, it is crucial to consider all the possible outcomes before leaving their home.
Migration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
these days. Each day more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which has a significant impact on the society. This essay will
first
discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating and then elaborate the results associated with this problem, followed by a logical conclusion.

Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developing and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
migrate to developed nations for better education facilities for the children and high standard of living for the whole family. This can be
Consider using the past participle "exemplified"?
exemplifies
by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
Indians, who are migrating to Canada, for the sake of their better working arrangements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of life. Another reason for such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is the lack of life security
as a result
of unstable political environment and wars, which compels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where their life
is protected
.

However
, such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
causes problems to both the immigrants and their destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
,
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people
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs in immigrant
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country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and adaptability reasons.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take a responsibility of providing training facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adjust in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which causes a burden on the financial resources of that particular nation.
Moreover
, immigration can
also
lead to overcrowding, which can restrict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
from providing basic amenities for their citizens.
For instance
, a huge burden on the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is deprived
of its citizens of their fundamental facilities.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in search of educational and professional facilities, such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
causes more problems than solutions.
Hence
, it is crucial to consider all the possible outcomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
leaving their home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay 36. S1: What do you think is the most important advancement over the past 20 years in your country? Use reasons and specific examples to explain why you think that is important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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