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31. s1. Do you like to go to one place and stay there for a long time for your vacation, or different places and spend little time at each place? v.1

31. s1. Do you like to go to one place and stay there for a long time for your vacation, or different places and spend little time at each place? v. 1
The longevity of people has changed over the years. In the past, a person had an expectancy of living until 40 years old. Now, it is becoming easier for a person to achieve 90 years old. Despite this, I strongly agree that it will be possible to see in the future a decrease in life expectancy due to several reasons. The main reason is the food that we currently have in our world and the frequency that we eat it. Examples of this are the many times we eat fast food. It is becoming normal to eat it almost once a week. Besides this, vegetables that were considered healthy options are less healthy than before, because of the utilisation of pesticides. Also, meat and other foods are becoming more and more processed. Nevertheless, physical activity has been reduced to the minimum as possible. Ten years ago, we walked to every place and now we just enter the car and arrive at the local. Additionally, computer games and lying on the sofa while watching movies are overcoming the habits to go for a walk or do sports. These, combined with the food that we eat, lead to problems such as obesity. Another reason is pollution due to the growth of the population and the car’s first choice. In some countries, it is impossible to breathe without a mask due to the pollution that is possible to be found. To sum up, I believe that we live in a world that is becoming impossible to live in if we don't take precautions and change life habits.
The longevity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the years. In the past, a person had an expectancy of living until 40 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, it is becoming easier for a person to achieve 90 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Despite this, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it will be possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the future a decrease in life expectancy due to several reasons.

The main reason is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that we
currently
have in our world and the frequency that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
it. Examples of this are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is becoming normal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
it almost once a week.
Besides
this, vegetables that
were considered
healthy options are less healthy than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of pesticides.
Also
, meat and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are becoming more and more processed.

Nevertheless
, physical activity has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to the minimum as possible. Ten years ago, we walked to every place and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enter the car and arrive at the local.
Additionally
, computer games and lying on the sofa while watching movies are overcoming the habits to go for a walk or do sports. These, combined with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
, lead to problems such as obesity.

Another reason is pollution due to the growth of the population and the car’s
first
choice. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, it is impossible to breathe without a mask due to the pollution
that is
possible to
be found
.

To sum up, I believe that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world
that is
becoming impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in if we don't take precautions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
life habits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 31. s1. Do you like to go to one place and stay there for a long time for your vacation, or different places and spend little time at each place? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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