Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

29. 1. Describe a special experience that has changed you in life. Give reasons why it changed you with examples/details. v.1

29. 1. Describe a special experience that has changed you in life. Give reasons why it changed you with examples/details. v. 1
Companies worldwide have greater influence on sports by way of sponsoring them as a part of their advertisement campaign. This leads to some people believing that sponsorships are disadvantageous with a hidden agenda, whereas others think they are good for the sport. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and provide details why it is always advantageous to have sponsors. Sports sponsorship has some kind of impact on the sports itself. In most cases, the participant has to wear something that promotes the organization or their products. As a result, this in turn creates an influence on the audience viewing the sport. For example, the players have to wear a jersey with the sponsoring company logo and have their products made visible during the press conferences. In such cases, the younger public may attribute the performance of the player to the product rather than to the players skill and hard-work. Therefore, this creates an illusion that sponsorship would indirectly affect the sport and be disadvantageous. On the other hand, sponsorship will provide additional funding to further promote the game. Backing brings in additional money, which can be used to attract, train and build more players and teams. It could also be used to promote the event to a wider audience to gather more support and funding. For instance, the money could be used to open new training centre for young adults and to bring in talented coaches to train the new players. This additional funding helps the sport to reach a wider audience and gain more sponsors and attention from other sporting bodies. In conclusion, Though companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise their products. It greatly helps the sport to grow and develop more talents which can be showcased in a global event. Therefore, In my opinion, it is always advantageous to have company aid for any sports. In future, they should a way to evenly distribute the money to all sports so the development is distributed to all sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
worldwide have greater influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by way of sponsoring them as a part of their advertisement campaign. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorships
are disadvantageous with a hidden agenda, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
why it is always advantageous to have sponsors.

Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
itself.
In most cases
, the participant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
wear something that promotes the organization or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
As a result
, this in turn creates an influence on the audience viewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear a jersey with the sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
logo and have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
made visible during the press conferences. In such cases, the younger public may attribute the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
rather
than to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work.
Therefore
, this creates an illusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
would
indirectly
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and be disadvantageous.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sponsorship
will provide additional funding to
further
promote the game. Backing brings in additional money, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to attract, train and build more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and teams. It could
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
to a wider audience to gather more support and funding.
For instance
, the money could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to open new training
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for young adults and to bring in talented coaches to train the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. This additional funding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to reach a wider audience and gain more sponsors and attention from other sporting bodies.

In conclusion
, Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a way to advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. It
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to grow and develop more talents which can
be showcased
in a global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.
Therefore
, In my opinion, it is always advantageous to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
aid for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, they should a way to
evenly
distribute the money to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the development
is distributed
to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 29. 1. Describe a special experience that has changed you in life. Give reasons why it changed you with examples/details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts