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3. Which person has helped you the most to get where you are today, and how has heor she helped you? Use example to support your response. v.1

3. Which person has helped you the most to get where you are today, and how has heor she helped you? Use example to support your response. v. 1
Some people think that manual workers who are working in the industries should be given same salaries as that of employees who are from the technical background. However, I opine that high degree officials are deserved to pay higher wages. To begin, there are myriad differences between employees and workforce, which related to their abilities in the field of the industry. Firstly, people who obtain their job from the interview have a variety of technical skills, leadership qualities and organising criteria of production and distribution, where physical workers not aware of that knowledge. Secondly, employee have ability to sort out any kind of problem that occurred on the machines, which manpower only know about the operation of that machine. For instance, if there is any technical error on the machine which labour not aware of it, but it could be easily identified by the job holder who managing that organisation. On the other hand, there are several consequences if both of them paid equally. This means that if physical workers will be paid as much of those high degree officials, education system may lose its value. Thus, people prefer to join in work rather than competing in education, which indicates there is no difference between educated and non-educated people. This may lead to adverse effects on the country's economy also, in which industries are occupied by more labour without manager to organise it. Owing to all these, professionals should be paid higher than that of people who are doing physical tasks. To conclude that, I reiterate my statement by saying that high level degree people should be valued higher than workers either in the field or salary variations and not to make any comparisons between them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working in the industries should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
same salaries as that of employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are from the technical background.
However
, I opine that high degree officials
are deserved
to pay higher wages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there are myriad differences between employees and workforce, which related to their abilities in the field of the industry.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
obtain their job from the interview have a variety of technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, leadership qualities and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
criteria of production and distribution, where physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
not aware of that knowledge.
Secondly
, employee have ability to sort out any kind of problem that occurred on the machines, which manpower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know about the operation of that machine.
For instance
, if there is any technical error on the machine which
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
not aware of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could be
easily
identified by the job holder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
managing that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

On the other hand
, there are several consequences if both of them paid
equally
. This means that if physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
will
be paid
as much of those high degree officials, education system may lose its value.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in work
rather
than competing in education, which indicates there is no difference between educated and non-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This may lead to adverse effects on the country's economy
also
, in which industries
are occupied
by more
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
without manager to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
it. Owing to all these, professionals should
be paid
higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing physical tasks.

To conclude
that, I reiterate my statement by saying that high level degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be valued
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
either in the field or salary variations and not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any comparisons between them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 3. Which person has helped you the most to get where you are today, and how has heor she helped you? Use example to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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