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Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world To what extent do you agree or disagree v.5

Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world v. 5
It is argued that museums and art galleries should only exhibit cultural and historical works of their own country instead of works of other nations in the world. In my opinion, I partly agree with this idea. On the one hand, there are many reasons why the museums should display national masterpieces which show the specific cultural values of each country. Firstly, not only do literature works and artworks signify long-lasting history, but they also contain valuable lessons of ethnicities of each nation. Therefore, through the exhibitions of museums and art galleries, these works can instill moral values into young people and develop their patriotism. Secondly, tourism in countries can be advertised worldwide via the exhibiting pictures of cultures. As a result, the economy as well as communities can be improved and ameliorated. For instance, in Vietnam, many national museums are established and constructed in order to show the cultural quintessence. On the other hand, there are some arguments which explain reasons why works of other countries are nominated and learned in the curriculum. This can be explained by obvious benefits. First of all, works of other nations can help people enhance horizon about world as well as other cultures. For example, literature works written by foreign authors are compulsory in the curriculum of Vietnam. In addition, there are conferences held so as to introduce works of other countries. In conclusion, I believe that museums and art galleries should put more of an emphasis on works of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
exhibit cultural and historical works of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
instead
of works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations in the world. In my opinion, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should display national masterpieces which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the specific cultural values of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do literature works and artworks signify long-lasting history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
contain valuable lessons of ethnicities of each nation.
Therefore
, through the exhibitions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries, these works can instill moral values into young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and develop their patriotism.
Secondly
, tourism in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
be advertised
worldwide via the exhibiting pictures of cultures.
As a result
, the economy
as well
as communities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and ameliorated.
For instance
, in Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are established
and constructed in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the cultural quintessence.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
reasons why works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are nominated
and learned in the curriculum. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by obvious benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enhance horizon about world
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.
For example
, literature works written by foreign authors are compulsory in the curriculum of Vietnam.
In addition
, there are conferences held
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
introduce works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries should put more of an emphasis on works of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rather
than works of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts in the world.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Museums and art galleries should concentrate on works that show history and culture of their own country rather than works of the other parts in the world v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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