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28/10/2017People should work a fixed number of hours per week, and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. v.2

28/10/2017People should work a fixed number of hours per week, and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this. Give your own opinion. v. 2
Nowadays a growing number of people aver employees ought to work only a certain number of hours and bosses should not be allowed to ask them to work additional time. Although this policy possesses some beneficial characteristics, I personally disagree with it. Author’s opinion and reasons on which it is based will be discussed in details below. Firstly, working a limited number of hours has a positive impact on workers’ overall health and well-being because they are able to plan their day and allocate some time to participating in such sports activities as swimming, running or playing football. Moreover, some leisure time could be devoted to interacting with family members, friends and colleagues. Thus, having a better balance between work and life is one fruit of the policy. Secondly, the implementation of the discussed idea would be fruitful for employers as well. Many psychological studies decisively demonstrated well-rested personnel has more enthusiastic, joyful attitude to work assignments. Consequently their productivity in average on twenty-six percent higher than the one of those who toil unpredictable and frequently long hours. This is another valuable benefit of the trend. However, a blind fulfillment of the policy is rather unreasonably because sometimes firm’s management has to ask or even force their subordinates to work more, for instance, due to unexpected circumstances. To illustrate, an important project that is pivotal for company’s future might not be finished in time because a member of the team was severely injured in an automobile collision. Under those conditions, a head of the group could ask the staff to labor more because if a contract is violated, the business will go through financial hardships and downsizing. So, many folks who are employed by the firm will lose their job positions. In other words, in exceptional situations breaching the proposed policy appears to be a necessary evil. In my opinion, the idea of limiting the volume of time spent at a workplace is an attractive one but it should be used wisely and reasonably because rare exceptions from the rule are possible.
Nowadays a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aver employees ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a certain number of hours and bosses should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to ask them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although this policy possesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial characteristics, I
personally
disagree with it. Author’s opinion and reasons on which it
is based
will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
below.

Firstly
, working a limited number of hours has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on workers’
overall
health and well-being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to plan their day and allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participating in such sports activities as swimming, running or playing football.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could
be devoted
to interacting with family members, friends and colleagues.
Thus
, having a better balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life is one fruit of the policy.

Secondly
, the implementation of the discussed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
would be fruitful for employers
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
psychological studies
decisively
demonstrated well-rested personnel has more enthusiastic, joyful attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
assignments.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
their productivity in average on twenty-six percent higher than the one of those who toil unpredictable and
frequently
long hours. This is another valuable benefit of the trend.

However
, a blind fulfillment of the policy is
rather
unreasonably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
firm’s management
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
ask or even force their subordinates to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more,
for instance
, due to unexpected circumstances. To illustrate, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
project
that is
pivotal for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s future might not
be finished
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a member of the team was
severely
injured in an automobile collision. Under those conditions, a head of the group could ask the staff to labor more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if a contract
is violated
, the business will go through financial hardships and downsizing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folks who
are employed
by the firm will lose their job positions.
In other words
, in exceptional situations breaching the proposed policy appears to be a necessary evil.

In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of limiting the volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at a workplace is an attractive one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
and
reasonably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
rare
Did you mean "exceptions to"?
exceptions from
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
are possible.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay 28/10/2017People should work a fixed number of hours per week, and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this. Give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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