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You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v.1

You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1
Nowadays, there is no a doubt that advertising is becoming increasingly popular. Advertising is everywhere around us and no one can avoid it. Although some people think that it is a beneficial part of our lives, others believe that it is a drawback. This essay will discuss why people can earn money from advertising and why others waste a lot of time, because of it. As well as, provide evidence as to why advertising is more beneficial, which is my opinion. Many people can get a lot of money from advertising. It gives the chance for many entrepreneurs to start their small businesses. Furthermore, it provides plenty of job offers. For instance, the Harvard university research has concluded that most of famous companies currently earn most of their cash from advertising. For these reasons, advertising has a paramount effect on many people's lives. That is a fact, that watching advertising leads to a detrimental effect, as it waste many times. Although many people earn lots of dollars from it, others lose most of their daily time watching it. This advertising is very attractive, so many people are setting in front of it instead of doing their duties. If everyone keen on watching advertising, the will unfortunately lose their time. Therefore, advertising has many dramatic effects on people. In conclusion, whether or not, advertising is an argumentative issue. All human beings are surrounded by it. Moreover, it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. While some people think that is an advantage, others say that it is a disadvantage. Advertising is a useful way to earn money, which is my opinion, and dramatically is a waste of time.
Nowadays, there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
a doubt that advertising is becoming
increasingly
popular.

Advertising is everywhere around us and no one can avoid it. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a beneficial part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, others believe that it is a drawback. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
money from advertising and why others waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it.
As well
as, provide evidence as to why advertising is more beneficial, which is my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from advertising. It gives the chance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entrepreneurs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses.
Furthermore
, it provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of job offers.
For instance
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
research has concluded that most of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
most of their cash from advertising. For these reasons, advertising has a paramount effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

That is
a fact, that watching advertising leads to a detrimental effect, as it waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
lots of dollars from it, others lose most of their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching it. This advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are setting in front of it
instead
of doing their duties. If everyone keen on watching advertising,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
will unfortunately lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, advertising has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dramatic effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
, advertising is an argumentative issue. All human beings
are surrounded
by it.
Moreover
, it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
an advantage, others say that it is a disadvantage. Advertising is a useful way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
money, which is my opinion, and
dramatically
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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