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25. Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others prefer to spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v.1

25. Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others prefer to spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v. 1
It is popularly believed that "Money answereth all things". It is said by some that one can only be happy in life if one has much money. This essay will discuss how having a lot of money can make people happy and the other things in life that can make one thrilled. Hard cash can make people glad as it helps to meet all one's needs. Currency is seen as the only acceptable legal tender for buying and selling, thus, the reason why a lot of it is needed for happiness. This legal tender can be used to buy items, settle bills, pay flight tickets, book hotel rooms and go shopping. For instance, recently, a wedding ceremony of a middle income earner family was almost cancelled due to the inability of the couple to pay for the hall. This cancellation was, however, averted due to the intervention of one of  the bride's rich uncles. The wedding finally took place  and everyone was happy. This could only have been possible as a result of money. Asides legal tender, another thing that can make people excited is a success. This feeling  gives  you a sense of accomplishment. Being successful in an endeavor after chasing it for so long is a very good feeling and it can make anyone glad. For example, a friend of mine who was a graduate and had been unemployed for about 2 years, recently, received a mail from an employer "Oando waters" to resume work on the 15th of May 2019. He was so happy as he had constantly  been on the search for a job for 2 years. This feeling of success made him thrilled and it was like he had won a jackpot. In conclusion, While cash is widely regarded as  a source of happiness, it should be known that other things like success can also make one feel good, thus, we should ensure that we do not only spend time chasing currency.
It is
popularly
believed that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Money
Possible spelling mistake found.
answereth
all things
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It
is said
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in life if one has much money. This essay will discuss how having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and the other things in life that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one thrilled.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
cash can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
glad as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all one's needs. Currency is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
acceptable legal tender for buying and selling,
thus
, the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
it
is needed
for happiness. This legal tender can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items, settle bills, pay flight tickets, book hotel rooms and go shopping.
For instance
, recently, a wedding ceremony of a middle income earner family was almost cancelled due to the inability of the couple to pay for the hall. This cancellation was,
however
, averted due to the intervention of one of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the bride's rich uncles. The wedding
finally
took place
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and everyone was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. This could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
have been possible
as a result
of money.

Asides legal tender, another thing that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
excited is a success. This feeling
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
gives
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
you a sense of accomplishment. Being successful in an endeavor after chasing it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feeling and it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
anyone glad.
For example
, a friend of mine who was a graduate and had
been unemployed
for about 2 years, recently, received a mail from an employer
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Oando
waters
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
to resume work on the 15th of May 2019. He was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
as he had
constantly
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
been on the search for a job for 2 years. This feeling of success made him thrilled and it was like he had won a jackpot.

In conclusion
, While cash is
widely
regarded as
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a source of happiness, it should
be known
that other things like success can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
thus
, we should ensure that we do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
spend time chasing currency.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 25. Some people like to spend their leisure time outdoors, while others prefer to spend it indoors. Which do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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