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22. Some people give money as gifts to friends. Others try to give a specific kindof present. Which kind of gift do you prefer giving to a friend? v.1

22. Some people give money as gifts to friends. Others try to give a specific kindof present. Which kind of gift do you prefer giving to a friend? v. 1
Some people think that a country’s economic success is related to the amount of work done by its citizens each day, and therefore countries with longer working hours tend to have higher levels of productivity. However, although this may seem like a positive phenomenon, there are actually some serious drawbacks. This essay will argue that longer hours can be counterproductive. To begin with, the claim that longer working hours equates to economic success is hard to substantiate. For one thing, the most economically developed countries in the world don’t necessarily have long working days than the less-developed nations. In fact, in recent decades Europe and North America have seen the average work day decrease in length along with a rise in output, while many poorer countries see their populations toil with little to show for their efforts. Thus, one could conclude that it is the quality of work and not quantity that is important. The reason why some countries work long days and yet lower levels of economic productivity is most likely related to the negative social impact of these long hours. To maintain a strong economy, a country needs a healthy and happy population who are engaged in activities that generate commerce. However, if people working all day, they have less time to eat out at restaurants or go shopping. While it may seem trivial, these are important for the economy. Moreover, when people work too much, their health may suffer, along with their relationships. These too can cause a drain on the economy. In conclusion, it is not always true that longer working hours correlate with economic success, and the reasons for this are varied. In fact, as demonstrated above, having a population work too much may actually do the opposite of what is intended.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
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country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success
is related
to the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done by its citizens each day, and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
tend to have higher levels of productivity.
However
, although this may seem like a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
phenomenon, there are actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious drawbacks. This essay will argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can be counterproductive.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
equates to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to substantiate. For one thing, the most
economically
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world don’t
necessarily
have long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
days than the less-developed nations. In fact, in recent decades Europe and North America have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
day decrease in length along with a rise in output, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their populations toil with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for their efforts.
Thus
, one could conclude that it is the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and not quantity
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

The reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long days and
yet
lower levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
productivity is most likely related to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
social impact of these long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. To maintain a strong economy, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs a healthy and happy population who
are engaged
in activities that generate commerce.
However
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
all day, they have less time to eat out at restaurants or go shopping. While it may seem trivial, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the economy.
Moreover
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too much, their health may suffer, along with their relationships. These too can cause a drain on the economy.

In conclusion
, it is not always true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
correlate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success, and the reasons for this
are varied
. In fact, as demonstrated above, having a population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too much may actually do the opposite of what
is intended
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay 22. Some people give money as gifts to friends. Others try to give a specific kindof present. Which kind of gift do you prefer giving to a friend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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