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21. 09. 2017 In some countries the average weight and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.1

21. 09. 2017 In some countries the average weight and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 1
It is thought that enjoying television is an advantage for children by some people, however, there is another opinion that it is a disadvantage to raise children. While watching television to cause a become poor communication with friends, it is an essential option to learn about the rules of society. There are several opinions of watching television. First, according to TBS company’s survey in Japan about tv programs, how much watching TV is affected to 6 to 10 years old children are compared between A group who are watching tv shows a prolonged period time, and B group who people are not watching television for long time. In fact, there is a wide difference that the former’s communication ability was lacking. Furthermore, their physical strength was less developed than later. This is said to be one of the huge problems that we have to consider it. Nevertheless, watching tv shows is believed by some people to be a useful source in order to educate children, since nowadays television companies create diverse programs, namely learning English and other country’s cultural channels. In addition, currently, tv has been developed so that children can connect and join to tv shows in real time by SNS. In the other words, a kid does not have to feel lonely when he or she is at home alone owing to their parents’ job. In conclusion, enjoying tv program is a good way to teach them about making friends and building communication skills, but it is believed that it has several negative effects on teenagers in their childhood.
It is
thought
that enjoying
television
is an advantage for
children
by
some
people
,
however
, there is another opinion that it is a disadvantage to raise
children
. While watching
television
to cause a become poor communication with friends, it is an essential option to learn about the
rules
of society.

There are several opinions of watching
television
.
First
, according to TBS
company
’s survey in Japan about
tv
programs, how much watching TV is
affected
to 6 to 10 years
old
children
are compared
between A group who are watching
tv
shows
a prolonged period time, and B group who
people
are not watching
television
for long time. In fact, there is a wide difference that the former’s communication ability was lacking.
Furthermore
, their physical strength was less developed than later. This
is said
to be one of the huge problems that we
have to
consider it.

Nevertheless
, watching
tv
shows
is believed
by
some
people
to be a useful source in order to educate
children
, since nowadays
television
companies
create diverse programs,
namely
learning English and other country’s cultural channels.
In addition
,
currently
,
tv
has
been developed
so
that
children
can connect and
join
to
tv
shows
in real time by SNS. In the other words, a kid does not
have to
feel lonely when he or she is at home alone owing to their parents’ job.

In
conclusion, enjoying
tv
program is a
good
way to teach them about making friends and building communication
skills
,
but
it
is believed
that it has several
negative
effects on
teenagers
in their childhood.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay 21. 09. 2017 In some countries the average weight and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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